Committing to a relationship is not an easy task and it’s not the same as being in one. Committing to one means that when you fight, you fight fairly. Do you ever feel like your partner fights “better” than you? If yes, then it probably means he/she probably do know how to fight in a more constructive way. The art of fighting fairly in a relationship is hard to master. It takes commitment and courage. But the good news is that pinpointing the bad habits is the first step to fighting more fairly.ย
1- Avoid criticismย
Criticising your partner in the middle of a fight is just petty. Instead of attacking them, say how YOU feel. Use the word “I” because it’s pretty effective. It refrains you from criticising your partner by saying things like “You are so inconsiderate”, and instead allows you to express how their actions made you feel.
2- Try not to get too defensiveย
Instead of just quickly jumping to defense mode, consider what your partner is saying. You don’t have to reply so fast; it’s not a race. Don’t just justify your actions with excuses. If you must always be right, you will always be wrong.
3- Engage in the argumentย
Communicating efficiently is hard enough under normal circumstances so when you add a layer of hurt and anguish, it becomes nearly impossible to be clear-headed. Instead of trying to end the argument because you’re too tired or too frustrated, engage in it instead. Let the conversation flow!
4- Refrain from using “always” and “never”ย
The words “always” and “never” are big red-flags. It hurts the other person because they feel underappreciated. And whatever the sentence was, if you think hard enough, you will realise that it’s certainly not true.
5- Talk it out until the endย
Never go to bed angry. Talk it out until your ears bleed if that’s what it takes. But the good thing is, if you’re talking about the problem instead of arguing about it, it won’t even need to take that much time.
6- Put yourself in their shoes
This is always a good solution. But if your mind is too clouded that you can’t, then think of them as someone else. Imagine they were a friend and saying those words; what would your advice to your friend be?
7- Don’t bring up previous fightsย
Bringing up previous fights is the ultimate mistake. When you bring the past into the present, it just means that you ran out of arguments and points to make.
8- Focus on the issue at hand
So instead of rehashing old wounds, consider what you’re fighting about right now. What happened that made you so angry? Why did things escalate so quickly? And why are you so hurt?
9- Love them even when you hate them
This will prove to be the hardest thing to do, but it’s the most effective. If you were fighting, and in the middle you had to go, don’t just slam the car door or hang up the phone bitterly. Tell them “Just because we’re fighting right now doesn’t mean I don’t love you”.
10- Take little steps everydayย
You can’t improve your fighting habits until you have a clear grasp on what needs to be changed. Notice what you’re doing wrong so that you can apply the solutionย in your day-to-day life. Take little steps everyday because that’s all you can do.
