Girls, youāve all been given relationship advice at some point in your life. They generally tell you about the nature of men, and how to keep your man happy by making yourself smaller or weaker. Here are 6 things people keep telling us about men in relationships that are not just inaccurate, but also sexist and do nothing more than reinforce patriarchy:
1- āLet him leadāĀ
They keep telling us girls, from a pretty young age, that men like to lead, and even if you can lead better, you should still let him. Feed his ego and his need to feel in control, so that he doesnāt leave you for someone who will. Of course, thatās absolute and utter BS, because even if a guy is like that, you shouldnāt humour it. Donāt belittle yourself because his masculinity is fragile.
2- āMen are naturally jealousā
Sure, some people are jealous, but thereās nothing inherently masculine or feminine about jealousy. Not all men are jealous, just like not all women are jealous. Thereās a thin-line between jealousy and possessiveness and this is often used to excuse men who try to control their S/Os. People usually also tell us that if heās jealous, it shows you he cares. Not only does that excuse overly-controlling behaviour, it also leads a lot of girls to believe that if heās not showing signs of jealousy, he doesnāt care.
3- āMat3anedish, itāll make him more stubbornā
Relationships are about understanding, compassion and compromise. Sometimes, youāll let him have his way, and other times, heāll let you have yours. But the idea that being āstubbornā – which only means you stick to your own values – is why your relationship may fail sucks and makes girls feel guilty for things they didnāt do. Itās okay to not always go with the flow and to put your foot down when you don’t like something. If you canāt do that with your boyfriend, then your relationship has major communication issues.
4- āIf he tells you not to wear something, heās just looking out for youā
Look, whether it’s clothes, where to go, who to talk to or stay friends with, these are personal choices. People claim that heās only looking out for you w biy5af 3leeki, which may be true, but youāre an adult who can make her own decisions. Choices such as these are personal and completely up to you.
5- āMen like to feel neededā
True or not, you shouldnāt have to dumb yourself down or pretend to be a damsel in distress for a guy to like you and stay with you. Disney and romantic comedies donāt exactly make things easier on us when fighting this stereotype, but we can.
6- āStrong women intimidate menāĀ
I was recently told that if I pursue a masters degree after I graduate, no one will want to marry me. Your success as a person reduces your marriageability, and thatās something we should not accept, but rather defy with all our strength. Being strong, successful and expressive should never make you less desirable.