Our narcissism has reached a new low. We get into relationships and our narcissistic side takes over. We wait around for our partner to notice all the things about us that we’d like them to appreciate. And if they don’t, we assume that they don’t love us. But while we’re busy waiting for them to truly see us, they are doing the exact same thing, so we both end up overlooking each other. We get so self involved in how we look, what we say and how our partners see us that we neglect to see them. To know them. Get out of your head and start noticing your partner for who she/he is. 

First of all, you won’t be able to notice anything about your partner if all you do together is either sit in silence or talk all the time. You need to have a balance. It is important to feel comfortable sitting in silence with your partner because if you don’t, it’s a huge sign that there’s something off about your relationship. Don’t just ask random questions and talk about insignificant things to fill silence you’re uncomfortable with. Instead, deal with the root of the problem and understand why it’s making you feel uneasy. Here’s a list of things you should start noticing:

1- Their Mood Changes

Sometimes we complain to our best friends that our bf/gf just seems to switch off all of a sudden without a reason. But that can’t be true because there is always a reason. We just didn’t notice it. It will be harder to understand what might have ticked them off if your partner is the silent type and doesn’t share her/his feelings. But if you love them enough, understand that their mood changes are always triggered by something, so be patient and learn to notice these changes so you can decipher their causes without them speaking a word.

2- Their Fears 

We are all afraid of something and if somebody tells you otherwise, they are lying. You should know what scares your partner and what he fears out of life. And by fears, I mean the small as well as the big ones. You and your partner should know about each other’s phobias, mental fears, physical fears and intimacy fears.

3- Their Passions 

During the course of your relationship, you are bound to have long intricate discussions about nearly everything (if you’re lucky). You should notice the difference in their attitude when they talk about something they are passionate about. Maybe they won’t tell you how much this means to them, but you can easily figure it out if you just learn to notice subtle differences in their gestures, tone and eyes.

4- Their Quirks 

Quirks and pet peeves come hand in hand with being human. We rarely like to admit out loud the things about us that make us seem like dysfunctional human beings. But if you spend enough time with your partner, you start to catch up on all the little tiny things that might affect their mood.

5- How They Act Around People 

No one ever acts the same around everyone, no matter how much we try to be consistent with our actions. It’s natural, because every human being triggers different emotions in us. Start noticing who your partner becomes around different people when you’re together.

6- The Things YOU Do That Makes THEM Happy 

And finally, it’s important to know by heart the things you do that makes them happy. These are the easiest to notice, because it’s a pattern. You do something unconsciously, and suddenly they’re more vibrant and cheerful, or it’s the complete opposite.

We all just want someone to think we’re great and know us too well, but to have that, we need to reciprocate this kind of love.