Careers or studies can pull anyone across countries and oceans if the opportunity is tempting enough. But where does that leave you with your partner? Well, first, you have to ask yourself this – do you see yourself with someone else? If you do, then don’t waste time trying. But if you can’t see yourself with anyone but him, then try to save your relationship by communicating from different countries. It is NOT easy, so you’ll need to look inside yourself and be sure that you’re ready to deal with this level of commitment.

First, you have to lay some ground rules. Whether it’s “there is no chance of adding a third person into the relationship no matter what they are to you” or “we are emotionally attached, but physical flings are up for discussion”, certain rules have to be followed. If he breaks one of the basic rules you’ve both decided on for the relationship to work, then there’s no need to forgive him! He will do it over and over again, and the next time, he might not even tell you. Remember, living in another country always makes it easier to cheat. Create your own set of relationship standards that both of you have mutually agreed upon. That creates a common goal for both of you to work toward: developing a strong relationship whether you are together or apart. For example, agree to disagree, accept each other as you are, practice trust and honesty, strive towards compromise and self-sacrifice, and maintain open communication.

The second important thing is communication. Since you won’t be seeing each other, it’s important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don’t always have to be long, in-depth conversations. You’ve got to admit, it’s much easier now that there’s the Internet. Consider making phone calls or Skype video chat calls every day, and sending text messages and emails every day. It is important to maintain contact and to be in each other’s daily lives as much as possible. Tell each other about your little tragedies and happy moments and ask for their advice. At the same time, knowing that your partner is reachable if you truly need to talk is also important. You HAVE to be there for them. If your partner is ever in trouble, or hurt, or whatever, you need to be there for them so make sure you are available to them so that they can reach you if they need you. If they end up dealing with everything alone, they will eventually cease to need you. And sometimes, if distance is permitting of course, that means being actually, physically there for them.

You should always do things together. As a long distance couple, it’s important to do other things together besides the usual phone calls. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction is important. Just think…people in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time solely talking, but rather, also doing things with each other. Try to do this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or a movie simultaneously. And then when you call or chat, you can talk about how you liked the movie you just watched. Taking into account the time difference between you, set a certain time for a particular activity or a phone call and synchronise your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to try and stick to the times you’ve set so that when your watch goes off, you know you’re both partaking in the same activity, even if it’s miles apart. Enjoy the fact that he is probably thinking about you when the alarm rings. Find creative ways to bond, like maybe reading a book at the same time.

“As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference.” ​

Fantasize about the summer, when you’ll meet and it will all be perfect again. That’s a long distance benefit that you should use well. It will help you fight even less, and long to see him even more. And when he is here for the summer, you will spend a couple of happy weeks or months, because you won’t want to fight or mess things up since you know he is leaving again eventually. 

Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. “Hey, will you join me for dinner after work?” “Thanks I’d like to, but I have some work to get done.” As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match, or someone else is a better match, your relationship basically ends. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you’d want to live together, discussing how you’re going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

 

Visit often. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot survive if the only thing you have is the phone call. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some “rules” about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them. Even if it is just for a night or two, it will make a huge difference.

There will always be people that will say that long distance relationships don’t work – just remember that they are not the people who are in the relationship. Making it work and surviving the long distance should not be determined by them. You will never know unless you give it a try. Be optimistic, who knows, maybe he’ll change his mind and come running back to you!