We are on the same team. We face the same obstacles sexist norms throw our way. We’re all placed under a glass ceiling with regards to how much career success and promotion society allows us to reach. Yet, for some unequivocal reason, we all still sometimes hit on each other. We can find ourselves demeaning other women, rather than lifting them up.
Here are a few phrases I’ve heard, which seem not to be directed at fighting patriarchal injustices, but rather sadly supporting them. Here are some comments which we, women, can sometimes find ourselves saying and offending other women in the process:
“I’m not like other girls, you know, I’m different!”
Well, thank you for putting all the rest of us under a “they’re not as serious/awesome/great as me” labelled box, for you to impress a guy. Thank you for throwing the rest of us under the bus in an attempt to make yourself stand out as “different.”
If you haven’t said this before, you’ve probably at least thought it. What we need to understand, however, is that other women are not the devil. It’s okay to be like other women in many aspects. Demeaning an entire gender to get the attention of a guy? Yeah, I think, I’d rather he gets impressed by my values, or my ability to carry a serious debate, rather than my ability to hate other women.
“Most of my friends are guys. Girls are just too dramatic for me to handle!”
A round of applause for successfully supporting the generalized stereotype of the female tendency to lean towards drama. Why? Why would you label all other women as ‘too dramatic.’ We’re not all built the same, and whereas, yes, there are many drama queens, there are also drama kings out there.
Moreover, my female best friends are some of the most supportive, understanding, fun and truly caring people I have in my life, and no, I would not trade them in for guys. Yes, I do appreciate the company of my male best friends a lot of the time, but my girls are irreplaceable. It’s okay to have both male and female buddies, and no, women are not ‘too dramatic’ for you, you’re just too blinded by inaccurate, age-old gender stereotypes.
Any slut-shaming comment:
No her dress isn’t too ‘revealing’ or ‘slutty’, and even if perhaps, it is not as conservative as it should be to match your taste, it is, frankly, none of your business. We need to stop slut-shaming each other, in an attempt to achieve self-validation. How another woman chooses to dress or act is her choice, and you bad-mouthing her will definitely lead to no good.
“He could do way better than her!”
Whenever I hear that comment coming from one woman about another woman an attractive guy chose to date, I just shake my head in silence, trying to understand who exactly asked for her opinion. When two people like/love each other, just let them be in peace. Just because you see him as more physically attractive than her, doesn’t make her unworthy of his attention.
We fall for other people for a bunch of different reasons, and no two people see other in the same way. Please try to refrain from devaluing another woman, simply because you believe her significant other can ‘get someone better’ – allow them to celebrate their relationship rather than critiquing it.
Moreover, there’s no need for you to stress over the widespread view that a woman’s worth is directly associated with her looks- the patriarchy already does that in abundance.
“Please, I’m not a feminist! They’re too radical for my taste!”
So you’re against the people who support the equal treatment of your own gender? Without feminism, we wouldn’t be allowed to get a proper education, vote, or get a career outside of stereotyped ‘feminine’ jobs.
No, feminists aren’t too ‘radical’, you just do not understand what feminism fully entails. Moreover, here I am stressing, again, over the fact that demeaning an entire movement that allowed your gender to be treated like equal human beings rather than complementary members of society to impress a guy is just not worth it.
“She’s so career-oriented and she just got a big promotion! Too bad her house is probably a mess and her husband and children don’t get half of her time…”
Stop. This. Judgemental. Insanity. Yes, women can have the best of both worlds. Yes, she may be able to manage her time well in order to, both, have a successful career and a fulfilling familial life.
Furthermore, so what if she’s struggling? So what if perhaps in order to get to where she got, she may have had to give up on a few things? Haven’t we all been there? Haven’t we all tried to balance many aspects of our lives and, at times, failed? There’s absolutely no shame in that.
What you should be doing is admiring her efforts to establish herself in her career. Her relationship with her husband and kids is none of your business, and neither is the state of her ‘house.’
In a nutshell, we’ve all been there and we’ve all said all or some of these things. Perhaps in the future, we may have slips of the tongue, and end up saying some of those futile and offensive comments. We must, nonetheless, pay closer attention to how we speak of other women. Spewing comments that are dripping with negativity will do nothing but harm to the success and well-being of other women. We need to realize that we are not competing against each other for some ultimate prize. We can all coexist and lift each other up, without any losses.
