Dear Dr. Bonnie,
I am a 26 year-old male, who is feeling deeply depressed, I try to remain positive but I’m running out of things to feed my positivity. Every day I get into my car and drive across the city, going through insane traffic, bleak scenery and exhaust fumes for around 2 hours before starting my workday, doing a job I hate with people I don’t fit in with (even though I work in one of the big multi-nationals). After a long day of 8 hours work I take that same bleak drive home. Even on the personal level I stopped wanting to go out anymore since everybody I know is just as depressed as I am. I only end up feeling worse. I’m sick of waiting for that break that will never come, people won’t change, and Cairo will be Cairo. I believe my main issue is, accepting reality and trying to lower my expectations. Is there any way for you to help me with that? Or is it a quarter-life crisis?

 

Dear Unhappy One,
There is a common belief that young adulthood, one’s twenties, are the ‘best time of your life.’ However, many experts have recognized that it is often one of the most difficult periods in one’s life. It is a very complex time of transition. There is all that pressure to create your own independent life, when expectations are extremely high, and before your skills and resources for doing so are fully developed. You are also at an age where you have yet to have the life-experience with which it would be possible to easily overcome the disappointments that are inevitable in any life. I think there often is a ‘quarter-life crisis.’ It is a time when many individuals deeply question who they are and what they are doing with their life.
If you are experiencing it, it means that you are thoughtful and growing emotionally. If you are unhappy, it may mean that you want/need to grow in a new direction. I would guess that if you make the effort to change one little thing, you will start to feel much better. Research has suggested that the basic ingredients for well-being are as follows:

1. Relatedness – feeling connected to and in love with others (pets, friends, family, romantic others).

2. Competence – feeling like you are good at something you value (e.g parenting, cooking, engineering, and art, sales).

3. Autonomy- feeling like you have a choice in your life and ultimately becoming the author of the course your life will take. 



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We all struggle to have these basic psychological needs met in our life, and at different times in our journey some might be more fulfilled than others. Being unhappy can be a motivator with which we can start to make changes in our life that allow our needs to become better fulfilled. However, if we become depressed, it can get in the way of making changes. When someone is experiencing a major depression, they often don’t feel like they have the motivation to try or to change anything. They often feel hopeless about anything changing or getting better. The good news is, that things generally do change and eventually improve. Depression often affects the way people think about things and they tend to perceive things as more negative than they actually are. It sounds like you may have some symptoms of depression (e.g. a depressed mood, feeling hopeless, withdrawing from others, not taking pleasure in things you used to enjoy.) A clinical diagnosis of a depressive disorder would depend on how long you have been feeling this way, and how extreme your symptoms are. If you have had suicidal thoughts, have had major changes in your sleep or appetite or feel like you are having difficulty in your day to day functioning, I would recommend that you seek professional help. Fortunately, depression is very treatable. Therapy, with or without the addition of medication is effective for most people. If you are depressed, it may be that you need to treat your depression first before you have the internal resources to make other changes in your life. Additionally, you may find that once your depression lifts, your current life is more fulfilling. Take heart, while this is a difficult period in your life, chances are that things will improve and you will feel better.