Too often in life, we find ourselves stuck in our own world, unable to communicate with even the dearest people to our hearts, our parents. It’s quite a situation that we’ve put ourselves in; how a lot of times we catch ourselves fencing in from the only two people who know how to guard us and keep us safe. Quite frankly, we don’t know why that happens. Is it because our parents don’t allow us to share how we feel, or is it because most of the times we don’t want our parents to get to know the real us, what we know, and what we’ve come to understand about life. Or maybe it’s because we’re afraid that if we share what we knew with our parents, we would hurt them in a way we could never take back? We might never know the answers to any of these questions, but maybe, by asking a few people what they wish they could say to their parents, that we can understand how the “fencing ourselves in” theory works.
1. “My boyfriend had just passed away and the first thing my mother did when she saw me at the hospital was tell me to pull up my dress because my cleavage was showing. I couldn’t share my grief with her. This was probably worse than the fact that I lost someone dear to me.”
2.” I wish I could tell my parents that it’s ok to share with me what they’re going through.”
3. “I want to tell my parents that the worst thing about growing up was realising that your parents aren’t the perfect humans you always pictured or imagined them to be. In a way, I realised when I grew up that my parents are a big disappointment. They took all the wrong turns and did an endless amount of mistakes, but I also want to tell them that it’s ok. People make mistakes, and deep down I know that they love me. They did the best they could, and if that wasn’t enough, then it’s not their fault. It’s mine. We’re all human after all.”
5. “I can’t blame you for anything. However, I know you didn’t do your best with me or with us, but I’m an adult now and I have to get my shit together. I have to handle it myself, so I can’t really blame anyone for anything.”
6. “I would have appreciated it if they kept their fights between them and not got us involved.”
7. “I want to tell them that their constant criticism of me didn’t play in my favor. It didn’t teach me to do better, or to be better. I want to tell them that all I have accomplished in life was not because of them, but in spite of them.”
8. “Sometimes I want to ask them how they still manage to talk to me about marriage and love when they set one of the worst examples in history. They taught me that love doesn’t exist. They don’t get to look me in the eyes, and ask me why I couldn’t find the one thing they took away from me.”
9. “I want to tell them that I understand that they loved me as much as they loved my sister, even though, they did such a terrible job at showing it. I want to tell them that not getting the same treatment as my siblings turned me into a person who is as tough as nails.”
10. “I want to tell them that they can’t buy my love with money. All the cars, the money and the designer clothes don’t mean sh*t if you don’t feel like your parents love you enough.”
11. “Even though I have been living away from you for the past 6 years, everyday I wish something happens, some kind of setting, some kind of arrangement where I can keep fulfilling my passion of traveling and living independently but still come back to see your face. Sh*t scares me everyday. What if the time I’m giving to something else is deserved by someone else (my parents) and what if I regret it later.”
12. ” I want to tell them that they don’t know who I really am. That I’ve done so many things I know they think are wrong, but I’ve (recently) decided to go by my own moral compass and not theirs. I know you guys love me. But I can’t help but think sometimes how your love would change if I stopped hiding things from you. If you know who I really am. For that I’m sorry, but I believe it’s the right thing to do to lead your own life.”
So what do you think? Do we fence ourselves in out of love or fear?