Dear Dr. Bonnie,
Ramadan is kind of a difficult time for me. Difficult as in I turn into the Hulk and I’m completely aware of it. For most people, fasting is an inconvenience, for me it’s a nightmare.
I’m a heavy smoker and coffee drinker, and I like my food too, so being denied all those things for more than half of my day literally turns me into an awful bitch. I usually start my day with a healthy dose of caffeine but obviously I can’t do that in Ramadan so I spend the rest of the day desperately craving caffeine. I also crave nicotine like a drug addict craves heroin, and I’m constantly starving and parched. All these things turn me into a horribly crabby human being for basically an entire month. I lash out at the people around me all the time because I’m consistently in a bad mood, and a lot of friends and family have commented on it. My family diligently avoids me during fasting hours. I do become a relatively normal person again after Iftar but by then I’ve basically fought with every human being I’ve come into contact with!
And while I realise I become an awful person to be around, I can’t do anything about it. I feel like it’s beyond my control, which is even more annoying, so I dread Ramadan every year. I also become very unproductive; I can’t focus properly on my work or on anything else really. I really don’t want to turn into a monster again this year but I don’t know what to do about it. And on top of that, the fasting hours this year are going to be really long! How do I control my anger and my bad mood?! Help!
Angry Faster
Dear Angry Faster,
You are certainly not alone in this experience. I expect that almost everyone who fasts can relate to what you are talking about. It sounds like you feel like your reaction is much worse than the average person’s. There could be a number of factors contributing to your response. But just to rule out the most dangerous, it would probably be wise to get a medical check-up to make sure that you don’t have some condition in which fasting is unhealthy for you.
Of course, giving up nicotine and caffeine if you are addicted to them will also increase your stress levels in the first couple of weeks. Next year, you might want to begin tapering off both before Ramadan, so that when Ramadan begins it won’t be quite so brutal for you.
Self-control requires internal resources and we all have a limited amount of those resources. Our ability to inhibit ourselves from doing, eating, smoking, and saying things is usually at its peak in the mornings and decreases as the day wears on. It’s like a muscle that gets fatigued. People are most likely to cheat on their diets, have a cigarette, snap at their spouse etc., in the evenings when our internal resources are most depleted. If you are giving up food, water, AND two substances you are addicted to, you have to do a lot of inhibiting during the day. As a consequence, the resources you normally have that allow you not to lose your temper etc., are diminished. If it is an option for you, you may want to schedule your days so that the most demanding activities are in the beginning of the day shortly after you wake up. Remember that socialising with others can be considered a demanding activity as it can take a lot out of us to behave in socially appropriate ways.
Another strategy is to find ways of replenishing yourself during the day. If you have not already discovered a few self-relaxation techniques that work for you, it might be time to try. Listening to music on headphones, meditative prayer, yoga, guided relaxations, etc., are popular. You might look online for some guided relaxation audio files or create your own. They can be extremely effe
