We, Egyptians, are social beings by default; we’re used to attending regular weekly family gatherings as well as occasional friends’ reunions. We cross paths with people we don’t remember or don’t even know but find that they often try to chat us up. Even complete strangers may sometimes start random conversations with us in supermarkets or shopping malls.

Below is a sample of creative responses you can say in awkward situations…

Reunions/Gatherings

gatherings identity

In reunions or gatherings, especially with people you see over very long periods of time, creative responses come off quite easily. Most likely, these people will not see you again except after a very long time, and so they will probably not even remember what you said in the first place.

Let’s take these sample questions for a start:

How are you doing (Enta 3amel Eih)?

The first time we usually answer with: I am fine, thank you. But then every time the same person asks you the same question AGAIN, you can always answer with one of the following:

-Oh I am much better now.

-I am better than anyone in this room.

-I am doing a research about diabetic lizards.

-I am smarter, stronger, and faster than ever.

-I am unable to forgive her for what she did.

Where do you work now?

work identity

-I work with SNASA, or Secret Nasa. I am developing a space program here in Egypt (inspired by Barney Stinson).

-I work with the Central Intelligence but please don’t tell anyone in the family.

-I work in developing a weapon that will change the course of history.

How much do they pay you?

-10,000 USD.

-I don’t get paid in cash; I am paid in Nutella jars.

-I don’t get paid; I work so that they won’t kill me.

Why don’t you ever call or check on us/me?

-I was working with the army for 5 years in a secret underground facility and we were banned from making any contact with the outside world.

-I just returned from a space mission.

-I was in a coma for the past 10 years and I just woke up.

How can you not remember me?

-I was injured in a bombing while I was in the army and I lost my memory.

-I tested a drug and it costed me my memory.

-The Central Intelligence erased my memory when I quit working with them.

Why aren’t you married?

-I am poor.

-I am dying.

-I am gay.

Random Strangers’ talks

random identity

The thing about random strangers is that you can say whatever the hell you want; you will not see them again anyway. You better leave an impression that would leave them speechless!!

You look familiar; do I know you?

-I am an agent who is assigned to your surveillance; you will see me a lot but don’t talk to me again or you will blow my cover.

-Do you watch Korean TV? I am an actor.

– Shit, he knows…

take out your mobile phone and say: Abort mission, the target knows we are here. I repeat, abort mission.

Use Sign Language.

Egypt is going to hell; don’t you think?

-Don’t say anything; they can hear us. If you got arrested pretend you don’t know me.

-Qu’est tu dit? Je ne suis pas Egyptien.

Use Sign Language.

Do you come here often?

-Of course, I have to study the place before I blow it up.

-Here? Where are we? Who are you?

-No, never, I am just here to kill that man standing over there. His name is Mohsen and he ate my wife.

Use Sign Language.

What time is it?

-Holy crap, I am late.

-It … is … time.

-Quatre heurs et demi.

Use Sign Language.

That was a random sample of our most frequently asked questions. If you can think of more questions or more creative answers, please mention them the comments.