By: Reem Hussein
I know the pain you’re going through after a breakup seems like irreversible and too big for you to handle but believe me it will pass just like any other thing. In times when you don’t know which direction your life is going and you seem lost (because your earlier plans with your ex are no where in sight anymore), know that you will make it back up again.
- Halo effect and glorifying the past: Sometimes we tend to look at the past and over-beautify what was there. We tend to exaggerate the memories of the past. We forget how any partner-relationship has its down moments too. We only focus on the good memories and feel bitter. This also includes the “halo effect” which is disregarding the qualities of a person due to oversimplification. For example: a girl who is going through a breakup will tend to think “he was the strongest man I have ever met” and will likely forget any non-admirable qualities he had.
- Manage your time: After the dust has settled and you have taken your time being depressed, make sure to get back on track and to manage your time. Get a planner and plan ahead your day in the morning. This will result in fruitful and productive days that will make your life better (even if you’re barely getting by and everything seems difficult in the beginning).
- Stop being a passive recipient of romanticised media: Don’t believe every movie you watch or every sad love song you listen to. In times of breakup, you’re vulnerable and you tend to relate to these movies. There’s nothing wrong with watching them but believing that these romantic stories do exist in reality will only make you weaker.
- Remember that you are an entity on your own: If after a breakup you feel like everyone is looking at you and wondering where your partner has gone to, it’s true they are looking at you but do you know how long it will take them to question his/her disappearance? A fraction of a second, and they will go about their day because guess what? You are not their centre of attention. So don’t feel self-conscious (for long at least)
- Don’t engage in blame game, or female cat fight on social media: It will get uglier. Rise above these types of posts “heya akid 2asdani” “wana ba2 harodhalha” “ana 3arfa enaha betkalem 3alia fa ha3melha like”. If your ex tries to make you jealous through showing off their partner on social media then you should feel sorry for them rather than compete with them because at the end of the day, you will never get any peace of mind or serenity within if you keep fighting this lost fight that will always drag you down.
- Stop talking about him/her: I know there’s a stage at the beginning where you just want to VENT about how much he/she hurt, and disappointed you and let you down. This is normal. (On a side note, be careful who you talk to about your ex.) But there comes a point when you really need to stop, you know why? Because people will always say at the back of their mind that you were never over this person, and you always become indirectly related to them. Plus, you will never be able to heal if you keep talking about and bringing this person to your attention.
- Try to smile and to stay positive: It is painful and you will feel like your dearest person just suddenly got detached from you and snatched from your life without an apparent reason. Get angry about it because it is painful. Allow yourself to feel the anger and the bitterness. And only YOU will decide when to finally smile, embrace your fears and to stay positive. Be it through sports or socialising, you’ll find your passion and you’ll pursue it positively everyday!
I know it may seem debatable whether these steps work for everyone or not, but separation is nothing new. It’s an ever-lasting phenomenon and the mere fact that you know that many people are going through this, even right at this moment we’re writing and publishing this article, can elevate your pain. This is not to say that because everyone is facing breakup that you are stripped off your right to feel sad and angry.