Liberland is the world’s newest country, and rumor has it that it only made the list of countries that Egyptians can’t go to one line longer. So instead of packing your bags and running off to Liberland, here’s a guide for our fellow Egyptians on how you can start your own country. We don’t need them, Egyptians are smart enough to start their own new countries wherever they want. In your face, Libershit.
Step One: Pick any piece of land, no matter how small, and just own the hell out of it. Plant a flag and act like you’re the first human being to set foot there, even if you’re not, because actually you’re not.
Step Two: Tell the whole world about it, but don’t let the whole world in. Only the people you like. All the major countries have really obnoxious visa requirements, so why can’t we have our own?
Step Three: Make it clear to the whole world that you own this land. Give yourself a really lengthy, unnecessary title to make yourself feel important. Something like supreme-ultimate-king-ruler-emperor-of-this-land.
Step Four: Choose a national anthem. It has to be a super cool song like “I like big butts.”
Step Five: Pick a motto for your subjects, I mean, citizens. Liberland picked a really lame motto, something boring like “Live and Let Live.” Your motto will be a million times cooler, something like Disney’s “Hakuna Matata.”
Step Six: Set ground rules for your citizens:
– Everything is owned by the ruler and only the ruler (that’s convenient, because that’s you).
-Whoever commits any sort of crime gets exiled not punished; we have to get rid of the scumbags at some point, don’t we?
-More tattoo shops, so people can get the obligatory ink of your face to show their patriotism and loyalty.
-Less taxes, more gifts for the ruler, preferably on a weekly basis.
-Cheaper cars, because it doesn’t matter how small your country is; walking is overrated.
Step Seven: Start your own football team. As you know, ”I have a national football team, therefore I exist.” Liberland probably doesn’t even have one. And if they did, you’d crush them. Or at least have cooler kits.
Step Eight: Don’t turn down any sources of cash, no matter what the means are. You have to finance your palace somehow.
Step Nine: Last but not least, don’t worry about whether the UN recognizes you or not. None of the cool countries care what the UN thinks.
