People always complain about not finding love, but I found it. Two times… At the same time in fact! I am in love with two guys, and I am not sure if this is even possible, but I am truly in love with both of them.
I live abroad, and I go to college there, but I come back to Egypt every summer. The summer before my freshman year in college, I met my first boyfriend while I was still in Egypt. He is just amazing, kind, and we click together on so many levels. We couldn’t help but fall in love with each other. It broke my heart that I had to leave to college, but there was nothing to be done. We didn’t break up though, we decided to try and make it work. We did…… until I met my other boyfriend in college.
He is the funniest guy you can ever meet! He radiates positive energy wherever he is. We got to know each other, and something prevented me from telling him about my boyfriend (who I kept in touch with). We became friends, and then more than just friends! I fell for him.
We started dating, and I promised myself that when I go back home, I would break up with my first boyfriend (whom I didn’t tell about the second boyfriend)! When I returned home for the summer, and as soon as I saw my first boyfriend, I remembered why I fell in love with him in the first place. I couldn’t let go of him.
I decided to break up with my college boyfriend, but when I went back I couldn’t do it! For months I was depressed for months and didn’t know what to do, and what made it even more complicated is that both of them were there for me! So I took a decision to keep them a secret from each other. I know how awful this sounds, and how selfish I am but that’s why I am reaching out to you. For four years I’ve been leading a double life. Fortunately my two worlds didn’t collide in any way. But I can’t do it anymore! Should I tell them the truth? Should I break up with one of them? Both of them? Please note that I am not faking my love toward them. Yes, it’s still cheating. But I feel like there is two of me, and each one is in love with one of them. Can this happen?
You do not have to choose unless you have to decide which marriage proposal you are going to accept. Relax! Ethically speaking, what you are doing would fall under lying and betrayal. But, technically speaking, you are involved in two platonic relationships that are more of friendships, than actual dating. Realistically speaking, a human being, man or woman, is capable of having feelings towards more than one person at the same time.
A real relationship is a lot of work; you invest time, energy, emotions, and thinking into communication, understanding, planning, emotions, and sex. A real relationship is so consuming that at times, some people, decide to take a break from all the daily work.
The physical factor is also an element that needs to be considered. Women are fully capable of having sex with more than one partner, physically speaking. But emotionally speaking, there is only one favourite … one person she longs for and wants to be with. In your case, you have feelings for two men, but you are only investing in a relationship with one of them – the one you met in college and get to see regularly.
The textbook advice would be to tell them both the truth, and bear the outcome. But can you handle losing one of them? Can you handle losing both of them
My advice would be to just let it be!
I know that this sounds horrible, but I am a believer in natural selection; eventually, one of the relationships will fade away. One will prove itself wrong for you. One guy will totally win you over. One guy might get fed up of the long-distance relationship. The other guy might meet someone who gives more of herself. Both guys might decide that they want something different.
In other similar cases, a third guy would show up and would trump the other two. It might take a totally different person to show you what real love is, and that those two guys are just best friends to you. You never know what the future holds, but the current status quo would not last beyond college years.
For the time being, I want you to enjoy being young, happy, in love, loved, and sought after. Enjoy the companionship, the attention, and the warmth your two friends are offering. Everything comes to an end, eventually. Nothing glows forever. Until that end comes, just live in the present moment and do not torment yourself with guilt.
Relationships are not carved in stone, and there is a fine line between love and friendship that men and women cross many times throughout the path of their relationship. I would just like to end my horrible advice with an ethical note:
Do not make plans with either boyfriend. Do not make promises you cannot fulfil. Do not mislead either one into the forever after ending. Do not use big words. If one relationship gets more serious than the other, you would have to have a talk with the person you are leaving behind.