It is said that the worst kind of sexism is served to you with a big smile. Sexism can sometimes be indirect, or even perceived as positive. This is what we call benevolent sexism. From the moment we’re conceived, the first thing people ask about us is our gender, and the sexism rollercoaster ride begins. There are many things parents say to their children that are sexist; here’s to name a few:
“Men don’t cry”
Honestly, we’ve all heard this. It’s so bad that boys from such a young age are told that they have to suppress their feelings and not cry. This is bad on two levels. The first is that crying is bad and only girls do it. Crying is natural and children should never be made to feel like they have to hide how they feel. The second is that we teach boys that the worst thing they can ever do is be like girls, and that being called a girl, as a boy, is the worst insult of all time.
“Girls are sweeter than boys”
Another common misconception is that girls are sweet and caring, while boys are tough. Maybe if we didn’t teach boys to hide their feelings so much, they wouldn’t have to pretend to be tough to begin with. But the general idea of girl and boy characteristics is not true. Arya Stark proves girls are just as badass.
“Boys will be boys”
Whenever young boys cause trouble, sneak out of the house, steal the car or are caught smoking cigarettes for the first time, parents excuse the behaviour because “boys will be boys”, but would react much more frantically if their daughter did the same things. A big part of it is fear of what people will think, and that they expect boys to be troublemakers. They actually encourage it because it shows “strength”. Crazy, I know.
“Inta rajil elbeet”
In any household, whether the father passed away, is separated from the mother, or is just temporarily not there, the son is always told he’s “the man of the house”. Whatever that means is still a mystery to me. It assumes that he has responsibilities beyond the women of the house, like going to the store, taking the car to get fixed, dealing with house maintenance things etc. These are one of the things that women kinda benefit from and take advantage of.
“Bin5af 3aleeki”
How many times have you girls heard that whenever you’d argue with your parents for not letting you stay out late, travel alone or do anything that isn’t within the norms of this society? It might be genuine, but it stems from this idea that girls are fragile and can’t handle the things life throws their way. The worst part is that this builds fear rather than strength in girls from such a young age.
“Dolls are for girls, cars and guns are for boys”
Taking a stroll down Toys R Us is enough to depress me. Not only are girls toys in pink, and boys toys in blue or darker colours, but the types of toys themselves make gender norms more rigid. When girls are told that mops, kitchen stoves and babies are for them, all that does is domesticate them. Girls can play with cars and guns and boys can play with dolls and kitchen appliances; toys should never be gendered!
I know we can’t smash patriarchy overnight, but if we are to ever make changes around here it has to start from the house. Parents have the power to either keep the system going as is, or change it by raising the next generation differently.
