Have you ever stayed in a relationship that was so dysfunctional, it was slowly destroying you? Did you choose not to end it because “you love them”? Have you ever noticed how your love for someone could be having negative effects on you?

We’re sometimes so blinded by the emotions we have for someone that we don’t see how unhealthy for us having them around could be. While refusing to let someone go because you think you love them is respectful, you first need to ask yourself if it’s really love or if it’s just dependence you’ve developed over time.

 

There’s a fine line between loving someone and being unhealthily attached to them. You may think you love them, but you could actually just be used to having them around. It’s important not to let yourself depend on someone else to give you things you need like peace, happiness or a sense of safety. It’s also important for you not to stay in a dysfunctional relationship that’s taking a toll on you for the wrong reasons.

I’ve noticed a difference between people who love each other and those who are unhealthily attached to one another.

Unhealthy attachment says: I can’t live without you.

Love says: I can live without you, but I don’t want to.

 

 

Unhealthy attachment says: I have to be with you/around you all the time. It is dependent on the other person; it finds no meaning or purpose away from them.

Love says: I love spending time with you, but I’m okay with spending time apart. It has its own hobbies, passions and interests; it doesn’t need someone else to define it or make sense of its existence.

 

 

Unhealthy attachment says: You give me what I need. Attachment is all about taking what you want and what you need.

Love says: I want to give you what makes you happy. Love puts the partner first. Love is about giving.

 

 

Unhealthy attachment brings you down; it compromises your performance and mood. It brings out the worst in you.

Love lifts you up; it makes you want to be a better person and strive to grow and develop. It brings out the best in you.

 

 

Unhealthy attachment says: You’re hurting me and it’s not working but I can’t and won’t move on. It insists on staying in a dark place rather than move on to something better.

Love says: Let’s try to make things better and end it if it doesn’t work out to prevent further damage. Love is patient and will try to work things out, but is ready to accept if the relationship isn’t the best thing for both partners.

 

 

Unhealthy attachment keeps going back even if they know it’s not working out.

Love accepts things as they are and moves on if needed.