By:ย Farah Hikal
I couldn’t have predicted itย if I had tried a million times. Itโs just a break, not a breakup. It took me a while to even admit that it’s a breakup, not a break. It was you giving up on all what weโve had, it was you not wanting to build a future after weโve spent days and nights dreaming of one, it was you deciding that weโre back to being strangers again after Iโve been part of you. It was you running away fromย responsibility; it was you throwing it all away instead of trying to fix it.
How stupid was I to think that I could resist getting caught up in you? I only realized itย the moment you went away. I thought that I was stronger. I believed that I wouldnโt be that fragile when it comes to you letting go of all the dreams, the hopes .. when it comes to you giving up on us that fast. You left me with tears drowning my face; you left me with confused feelings.
I canโt say youโre all responsible for the mess Iโve become. It was my fault for giving you a part of me I knew would stay empty afterย youโre gone. I blame myself for loving you that much and giving you my all. I blame myself for letting you promise me forever, when all you had to offer me was a heartbreak.
I’m moving on. Finally, after numerous trials of dialing your number or trying to see you even by coincidence. I wonโt re-live the days we spent together when I look at our pictures anymore. Iโll remove every trace of you from my heart. And that’s not to say that your memory won’t knock the breath out of me when I listen to our song or when I go to a place we used to love. That’s not to say that I won’t remember what we had. But it took me a lot of soul searching to get to the point that itโs me that will remain after all, and that I canโt make someone or something my all nor can Iย forget about myself again .. about me that will remain after theyโre gone. Because nothing will fill the hole inside me again, except me.
Whatever the way and no matter how much time it takes, it will always be me that makes me complete. It’s the passion, even if Iโm still searching for one. It’s the goals and dreams, itโs the places I wanted to visit the most and the food I crave, itโs the music that makes me shiver and the car speed that makes me feel alive. It’s all about accepting my own self before I expect people to do the same, it’s about forgiving my own sins and loving every scar I have. Itโs the time I spend by myself and the spark in my eyes when I talk about what I love. It never was about someone else, nor about you. It was, is and will always be about ME.