Remember that scene from ‘No String Attached’, when Ashton Kutcher tells Natalie Portman that he loves her, and she starts yelling at him and blaming him for those feelings? If you haven’t seen the movie already, you should. It’s a good one. Anyway back to our point, while watching, we all wondered what the hell is wrong with her? She loved him; that was obvious. Why was she pushing him away then? It doesn’t make any sense!
In her way of thinking, stepping back from him was her taking a precaution to spare herself the pain. Letting him go was her shielding herself from experiencing hurt and heartbreak.
At least, that’s what she thinks.
Let’s see how things work when someone has been cursed with a fear of rejection.
The fear of rejection is one of our deepest human fears. It’s often wired with a longing to belong; it encompasses a wide spectrum from mild apprehension to expectation of abandonment.
Holding back from expressing our feelings toward someone and keeping it for ourselves, withdrawing from people rather than risking reaching out, pushing people away instead of letting them in, abandoning others before they have a chance to reject us, are all signs that you suffer from fear of rejection. As bad experiences and insecurity take over, your desire for love and connection fade.
Though we would be full of self-pity, we would still be convinced that it was the right decision to make. But how doesn’t this happen? How come they don’t see that their fear is guiding them to the wrong direction?
It’s like you come up with a lie, gather all kind of proofs that support this lie, start believing the lie, and then act upon that, and everything will make every sense to you.
You’ve only missed one thing; it’s a lie.
You wrongly believe your partner is rejecting you. You become defensive, anxious, and perhaps angry. Eventually, these behaviors may bring about the feared rejection, which in fact wasn’t there to begin with.
Seeking reassurance from other people and craving acceptance is a dead end. It’s something that needs to be found from within you, not from others.
Why? Because any look, word or action from other people can be warped and wrongly interpreted as an upcoming rejection when it simply isn’t.
You will figure out that those fears are nothing but a mere rope of sand, if you start looking for signs of what is working rather than just signs of what’s going wrong.
You have to accept that some things in our lives deserve to take a leap of faith without calculating the circumstances. Yep, you might confess your love to someone and this person rejects you, it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough. It’s just that this person doesn’t love you back which is completely normal, too bad, but you will survive it. Believe me, nobody dies of heartbreaks.
We’re more likely to think differently when we feel differently, because in fact emotions are quicker than thoughts, because emotions have to do with our survival. So distrust your own opinion from time to time, and see where your feelings might lead you.
Also, there in no need for you to try to read what’s on other people’s minds; yours is already full to the brim.