Now that I’ve lured you here by uttering the magical words “The Right One”, I am going to disappoint you by sharing my humble opinion which is that there’s no such thing.
On the upside, if there’s no such thing as “The Right One”, it means that there are hundreds and thousands of ‘right’ people who could potentially make you happy. But the more we think that there’s only one person that we’re destined to be with, the more we will unconsciously mess up perfectly good relationships in our pursuit to find something that doesn’t even exist. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in anyway saying that anyone should settle but at the same time, let go of the idea that only one person out there could make you the happiest because it just isn’t true. A lot of people could make you happy!
The phenomenon of there being only ONE right person for each individual is utterly and unfathomably absurd. We are accustomed to be searching for that one special person who is going to make all our past epic relationship failures meaningful and worthwhile. But the idea itself sets us up for failure. It puts us on a route of constantly pining after someone who will never be of reach.
The truth is you don’t need to meet this mythical creature for you to feel that your past experiences are meaningful and worthwhile. They already are because they happened to you. They are your history and you are where you are and how you are because of them.
“The right one will be your partner”, they say.
“The right one will be your best friend”, they say.
“The right one won’t lie, won’t cheat, won’t break your heart and won’t ever leave”, they say.
But all of that is BULLSHIT; simply because there’s such a thing as bad timing, bad days and bad circumstances and sometimes love just isn’t enough. The love of your life may end up being the one who got away because of bad timing. It might not work out with you and your soulmate because of bad circumstances. And a string of bad days in a row could turn even the perfect relationship of all truly south. So to believe that there’s only one single soul on the face of the earth that you are meant to be with is to limit yourself to all the possibilities out there and to the amount of different loves that you deserve.
Everyone you love and everyone you think you love will love you in a different way. And you need that; you need to be loved in all the right and all the wrong ways. You need the 2 am fights, the slamming doors, the confusion, the sobbing, the ‘something just doesn’t feel right’ feeling and the dizzying love and every shade and variation of ‘love’ out there.
To conclude, I would like to share the beautiful words of Trista Mateer:
“In your anger and your despair
and your glorious, glorious youth
do not discount the idea of soul mates.
Discount the idea of a singular soulmate.
You still have way too much to learn
to be taught by one person.
It’s going to take a lot of time.
It’s going to take a lot of long nights
and willing mouths.
And you might curse the one who teaches you
what it feels like to cry at the bottom of the shower
in the middle of the night,
but it is important to learn
how to get back up on your own feet
and let the wolf in your throat howl at the moon
once in a while.
Spit out the name of the one
who teaches you how to let go.
Keep every love note from the one who shows you
how to want yourself only when he stops calling you.
Use them like blueprints when you forget
what it sounds like to ache.
They’re not all gonna be bad.
Some of them burn.
Some of them feel like sinking
into the heavy belly of the sun
and sure, sure—
You never come away from something like that
without a few burn marks
but I promise it’s worth the warmth.
every time you think you’ve found “the one,”
there’s probably going to be just one more.
And you’re still gonna love
every single damn one of them
like they were the most important sucker
on the planet.
In this life, you’re going to love like pulling teeth,
(one after another)
and that’s okay.
I promise it’s all right.”