The concept of dating has always been universally popular and acceptable. In Egypt, however, itโs still considered a bit of a taboo. That being said, most young adults have at least dated once in their lives, making the concept culturally less frowned upon, but not quite acceptable yet. Potential partners find it hard to accept each otherโs past, which gets us thinking; should or shouldn’t weย tell our spouses about our past?
There are two different approaches to the situation โ be honest or deny it. While being honest might seem like the perfect choice, hiding your pastย couldย definitely beย more advantageous. Since Iโm not in any serious relationship, or planning on getting married anytime soon, I donโt have any clear thoughts about the situation. I did, however, interview twoย newly marriedย wives and found the whole debate moreย intriguing than I ever imagined.
Both women wereย absolutely not ashamed ofย their previous relationships. They also know for a fact that their husbands donโt, and wonโt, mind their past. This means that their different approaches wonโt really make a huge difference in the bigger picture, even though many men would not go on in a relationship knowing that their woman was with someone else before.
Their opinions might be personal, and only theirs, but they’reย still very eye-opening.
The Honest Approach:
Let’sย call this person (A)
(A) has been in twoย relationships before she got married. She says she isnโt proud of her past, but she had to be honest with her future husband. She shared her past with him before they got engaged, and risked losing him just to clear her conscious.
(A) really didnโt mind losing him, because she thought that if he left her because of something she did years ago, then he doesnโt truly deserve her. Luckily for her, he was understanding. She doesnโt feel bad for coming clean, and sheโs glad she did. She said that sheโd never imagine not telling him, and thinks sheโll be living a lie if she didnโt.
I had to agree with her on this, and took her side in the debate, up until the โdenierโ proposedย her theory.
The Denying Approach:
Let’s call this person (B)
(B)ย has been in severalย pervious relationships, most of them serious. However, sheย decided to keep the past to herself when she got married. She doesnโt think itโs lying, because realistically, she never did. He simply didnโt ask! She says that most men already know that the womanย theyโre marrying must have hadย a pervious relationship, so she doesnโt really have to talk about it. She said if you dig intoย someoneโs past, youโll only start judging themย in the present. So why bring up the past? She also added thatย even if she had to lie, itโs only a harmless ‘white lie’.
Havingย barely given the topic much thought before, lookingย at it from that perspective was personallyย amusing. As someoneย who believes that honesty is the best policy, I started thinking that maybe too much of itย could damage a relationship.
The Conclusion:
While I might not have taken sides in this debate yet, Iโve reached a much more important conclusion. Women shouldnโt be ashamed of their pasts. Both women mentioned that their husbands too were in past relationships, and they had absolutely no problem with it, so why should they?
The main issue should be that itโs not a deal breaker. Both women agreed that if they had 1% doubt that their husbands would leave them for having a past relationship, they wouldโve never gotten involved with them in the first place.ย Even if their husbands became too inquisitive or started showing intolerance towardsย their past, theyโd still rather be honest even if it meant risking their marriage.
Whichever side you decide to take, donโt beat yourself up!
