People pleasing should be a job in and of itself; some of us would make millions if it was. It requires dedication, effort and a lot of time. The people we please often think that it must really not take much of our time if we gladly agree to do whatever they ask whenever they ask it. But the truth is that it’s a struggle, a struggle we live with everyday and no one seems to notice. Yet, it’s who we are. We came out of the womb like that, so please try and take it easy on us because we have to struggle with these 6 things on a daily-basis. If you’re a people pleaser too, you’ll feel me.
1- You’re insanely busy trying not to let anyone down
Due to your people pleasing habit, you often find yourself anxious, nervous and with no time to spare. If you’re a person who keeps checklists, you find yourself listing down things-to-do that will only benefit someone you care about and give them the same importance of the things that you need to get done. And when you’re so busy trying not to let anyone down, you inevitably find yourself letting someone down. When two people ask you for a favour at the same time, you find yourself at a conundrum because when you’re busy doing the first person a favour, you feel guilty for not spending this time doing the other person their favour.
2- You second guess yourself and everything you say
You find yourself over analyzing everything in your mind before you say it, because it’s a war zone inside your head. Your mind thinks one thing, but you find your mouth uttering another. Why, do you ask? Because you’re trying too hard to say something nice, to please the person standing in front of you.
3- People take advantage of you
Some people just suck. They don’t care if they ask too much of you! And even those who don’t suck but still ask you for favours a lot just assume that you’ll only say yes when you want to. They don’t understand that you are acting on pressure, and you’re only saying yes because you’re inclined to and because you expect that your behavior will make them love you more.
4- Your people pleasing skills takes its toll on your life and schedule
You are obsessed with not inconveniencing other people that you always end up SUPER inconveniencing yourself. You say yes to favors even though you can’t fit it in your schedule and finish what others ask of you before you finish your own tasks first. And when someone borrows money from you and doesn’t pay you back, you never ask for that money back, even when your life depends on it.
5- You feel unnecessary guilt
You feel worthless when you can’t come through for someone and the guilt eats you alive. You are on your ONE day off and a friend asks you to drive her/him somewhere but you were planning on spending the day in bed, so you start to explain that but find yourself saying yes anyway and somehow even manage a smile.
6- You feel awkward more times than you should
Being blunt isn’t really in your nature because you have a tendency to sugar coat everything and spin it to make it nice. Therefore, you feel awkward when you have to skirt over a subject or refrain from giving an opinion. You find yourself desperately trying to fill periods of silence even though you’re not required to. And you will usually do this by embarrassing yourself through asking nonsensical questions or accidentally over-sharing.
We are at odds with ourselves and unfortunately, we just can’t find it in our hearts to ever say no even though we know that this is a sure-fire way to push us into madness!