Riding in cabs is a necessary evil. Some of us like to take occasional breaks from driving, while others have no choice but to depend on cabs for mobility. Now Uber and Careem have blessed us with a better and safer option, but before the days of App based taxi rides, we had no option but to ride with Egyptian Taxi Drivers. We hated every moment of our rides; here’s why. 

1- El Raghyay (El Kadab)

Brace yourselves because this guy does not shut up. He always starts the conversation by saying “Walahy ya basha we maleek 3alaya helfan” and whatever comes after this, you know is sheer and complete bullshit. He does not take a hint and talks the whole ride that you end up feeling worse than if you were sitting with someone convincing you to join Q-Net for 2 hours.

2- I am not a 3adad type of driver”

First of all, we know you’re only pretending that the meter broke. This guy will eat your ears the whole ride about how “El rezq da beta3 rabena” and “El te2dar 3aleh geebo” and about how much he DOES not care how much money you give him. Then the moment of truth comes. You reach your destination and politely give him the ride-length appropriate 10 LE, and you find there’s a whole new side to this once-upon-a-time generous guy.

3- The Pervert 

And of course there is the pervert who harasses every girl or woman who gets the unfortunate luck of riding with him. He keeps making eye contact with her through the mirror and freaks her out until she has to choose one of two options. The first is to ignore him until she reaches her destination, and the second is she asks him to drop her off immediately.

4- “Seyasa Nagasa” Type of Driver 

This guy knows more than the FBI and CIA combined. He probably knows nothing at all, but the way he talks will convince you he has a Master’s Degree in Politics “bas el denya gat 3aleh”. The conversation with him is full of entertaining anecdotes about the many solutions the government could implement to save the country.

5- The Angry Crank 

This man hates himself, his life and hates you as well. He smokes Cleopatra super as he yells at everyone who passes and reminisces about a time where Egypt was thriving and people were more decent. He totally overlooks your ironic remarks about how he himself lacks decency and respect.

6- El Shabee7

His car is jammed with CDs, the radio is turned to the max and there are fluorescent lights everywhere. His car is so gangster and pimped up! He usually drives fast, talks hip and wants to be your friend.

7- El 7afy 

I’d rather not say much about this type of driver, because the only thing worth saying about him is that he drives with no shoes. The smell of the cab leaves nothing left to the imagination.

8- Professional Driver

His car is shimmering, the AC is turned on, and he’s wearing a suit and has one of those Dalmatian puppy toys that stare at you the whole ride. He tries to keep things as professional as he can. He even goes the whole nine yards and asks if you’d prefer the AC on or off, and tells you that he can’t stand the heat outside.

9- El Sha7at 

This guy begs the entire length of your ride. He prays for you relentlessly, “rabena yostorha 3aleki ya benty/yabny w yestorha 3alena kolena”. He asks God to keep you safe as he complains unabatedly about the country and that “7al el balad wa2ef” and of course you get it, because “el 7al men ba3do ya 7ag”.

10- Gedo 

He is a smiling, generous and lovable old man who does nothing but drive you to your destination in peace and silence. He smiles at you and jokes with you once only to set a nice mood for the ride then leaves you to do your own thing. We wish there were more of you, Gedo.

We’ve all run into them, haven’t we? Let me know if I missed any in the comments section.