By: Eman Osman
This one goes out to all the parents and the parents-to-be. Raising a child to be an extraordinary person is a very challenging task for every parent.
Most parents want the same stereotype type of child: religious, hard working, good mannered, obedient, logical, a straight ‘A’ student, and later on, a successful adult with a respectable job.
Looking at this list, it almost seems like they’re the children dreaming of a Disney fantasy offspring. I mean, all of these are good traits, but in a realistic world it’s clearly too much to ask for, even when putting aside the fact that the parents themselves don’t live up to their own expectations.
We don’t live in a perfect world where we make perfect little versions of ourselves. I think the most unrealistic expectations parents have are that their kids will listen to them, do and be everything they say, copy them in everything they do and most importantly, they think their children will love them unconditionally no matter how much of their “unneeded” freedom they take from them.
That is not the reality. It never was and it never will be. And as hard as you try to shape them the way you want to, they will never turn out this way unless it’s what THEY want. Have parents ever realized that having a child is not about them? This child you have is not here to please you. They’re not here to fill a gap in your life and they’re certainly not your “little project”.
This human being you brought into this world doesn’t belong to anyone but himself. You do not shape them and you do not make them. You do not decide what kind of person they want to become. You do not decide what path they want to take. You do not get to decide what they believe in and you do not get to project your ideology onto them. No matter how hard you try to do those things, your attempts will fail.
I really wonder why is it so unacceptable to have a child who is different from you in every aspect? Why do you assume that to be such a horrible thing? Are you saying that you’re the only one who’s right and only your way is correct? Is that really the kind of thinking you want to teach young people? Aren’t we taught to be accepting and open to the new and the different? I really do wonder how you consider yourself a good role model if you cannot teach something as simple as acceptance.
Your children are not yours. They are their own person. They will do what they want to and what they think is right and you should let them. Your only job is to show them their options, teach them how to be accepting, respectful and loving of others (maybe a few table manners) and tell them about the things you learned in life, and last but not least, love them no matter what. Your job is to guide them and not deprive them.
Because at the end of the day if you decide to disown them, not pay attention or listen to them, accept them as they are and give them the freedom to be themselves, you’re the loser in this battle, not them.
