Here’s a list of small things that we, Egyptians, go through on a daily basis that drive us crazy and that only we can relate to:
1- When taxi drivers slow down in front of you when you’re trying to cross the street
I’m pretty sure I know how to stop a cab; I have arms and a brain. Somehow you seem to think that when you stop right in front of me, I will suddenly decide I want to take a cab. And the worst part is when there was a leeway for you to cross right after that cab, but because he slowed down now the cars behind managed to catch up and you have to wait longer to cross.
2- When you receive that text message saying you’ve consumed 90% of your Internet “Baka”
… but I JUST bought it two days! HOWW?!!! Damn you Snapchat!
3- “Mafish faka” when he probably has a bulk of change
You’re not even subtle; I can see the sack of coins you’re trying to hide. We both know you’re just saying this so that you can keep the money difference; all I’m gonna say is el haram mabeydomsh!
4- When you’re done ordering fast food and the guy decides that you need more so he starts hitting you with some gibberish that no human can understand
“7adretek te7ebi cheesyhejehhsweethehhpiebfhejcakehfhdsbicy ma3 el order ya fandem?” “uhmmm…”
5- That passive aggressive look you get from the shisha guy if you don’t tip him
I was just forced to pay a 200 LE minimum charge, even though I only ordered a Coke so excuse me if I’m now broke and probably won’t have enough money to take a cab home, let alone tip you.
6- People who use names of companies thinking it’s the name of the object
Kleenex, Always, Pampers, Chipsy….. just to name a few.
7- When the bathroom attendant takes all the tissues from the toilet cubicles so that you’re forced to tip her
Thank you guardian of the kleenex.
8- “Can I have a Coke please?” “Sorry ya fandem fih Pepsi bas”
Or “can I have a diet Coke please?” “Mafish walahi ya fandem; mafish 3andena gheir Cola zero”
9- When the valet shows up out of nowhere last minute after you’ve already parked or got out of your parking spot yelling out “ma3 alf salama ya fandem”
Don’t guilt me into tipping you when you’ve done nothing to help me whatsoever. La2 ma3 alf alf salama!
10- The guy who starts cleaning your windows without asking at the gas station
And the worst part is, he somehow manages to make it dirtier!
11- When you open that box of biscuits and find sewing kits or that infamous blue Paradise ice cream box and find gebna barameely or me5alil
You have never experienced heartbreak and disappointment until this happens to you.
12- When you’re going in for 2 kisses then she goes for 20
We all have this one family member who starts greeting you with one kiss on the first cheek and a second kiss on the second cheek and when you’re just about to pull away, she starts hitting you with endless sloppy kisses on the second cheek. She obviously means well but it just creates an unecessary awkward moment.
13- When it starts with “khali ya basha” then ends with a fight cause he’s not satisfied with how much money you’ve given him
If you’re not going to be satisfied with how much money I’m going to give you, then don’t act all kind and innocent in the beginning w balash 3ozoomat el marakbeya dih.
14-“Kebert w ba2eet 3arees, msh hanefra7 beek?” / “3o2balek ya habibty, mish haneshrab sharbatek orayeb?”
La2 ana mabsoota kida ba2a! I’m gonna grow old alone and live with my 50 cats! Leave. Me. Alone.
15- When the sales person won’t leave you alone when you’re walking around
You’re making me feel super self-conscious and I like my personal space. Please go away! I swear I’m not gonna steal anything.