Going to the movies with friends for old times sake can turn out to be a nostalgic blast from the past or your worst nightmare, not because of the hassle of getting to the movies in the torturous Cairo traffic, the price of the ticket or even the overcrowding of IMAX on weekends, but for the insensitive human beings who unfortunately happen to be there at the same time.
When you’re at a restaurant, cafe, or even a bar, people can behave the way they want; it’s surely not any of our business. But when it comes to cinemas…HELL NO, it’s our business alright!
Here are some typical examples of people you meet at the Egyptian movie theatres:
1-Phone Freaks:
Miss your mom, GF/BF, and want to catch up with them? You can now do that anywhere in the world. However, ”ANYWHERE” does NOT include cinemas during a freaking movie for crying out loud.
Cell phone interuptions have become such a problem in cinemas that the disclaimer ”Turn Off Your Cell Phones During The Movie” makes even more sense now.
Unfortunately, people don’t respond very well to that because phones keep ringing in EVERY movie theatre nowadays.
2-Couples with Babies
Take a second to imagine that you and your friends are at the cinema to finally watch this movie you’ve been waiting for forever and a half to see. You didn’t buy any popcorn or candy, maybe just a drink. Scratch that, no drink, the movie is two and a half hours long. You’re in total focus and you don’t wanna risk missing a thing by getting up even for a 45 seconds trip to the toilet.
Just as the trailer is about to start, you notice two shadowy figures emerging from the side door and they are pushing a large object, oh shit, it’s a stroller!!! And the worst part is if you actually happen to know the guilty parents, that’s when your friends start blaming you for every cry and scream the helplessly annoying baby makes. Your day is officially ruined.
Parents of screaming babies: You are not at home renting a God damn movie to watch from the comfort of your own living room couch. And that deliberate parental ignoring option to your baby’s awful screams is simply inexcusable…….”WE CAN’T DO THAT.” Leave your baby somewhere (we don’t really care where) and believe me, the whole world will thank you for it. Plus, who said the baby even wanted to come in the first place??? You think babies like ‘Fast and Furious’? Really? Probably not.
3-Mr. Know It All
Many of us have been seated in front of Mr. Know It All and had to sit through his ridiculous ramblings as he brags to all of this friends, at a volume just slightly lower than the movie itself. He already knows who the killer is and for some reason he just had to share it with everyone.
Believe it or not, people don’t go to cinemas to hear your insight on the film, director, writer, actors, etc.. No one cares really what YOU think, so keep those comments to yourself or at least wait until the film is over.
P.s: Whispers are annoying too but at least they’re not distracting!
4-Gross Lovebirds:
Didn’t we all agree that making out in the movies was acceptable as long as you’re sitting in the back row?
You can go nuts on each other; just don’t do it next to people sitting in the middle of the theatre. No one wants to be in your splash zone. Good luck not feeling awkward for the rest of the movie.
5-The Uniforms
Ushers are cinema employees who are supposed to direct you to your seat, just that. Not buy you popcorn and shit, repeatedly beg you for tips, and most importantly be the “wasta” to help you book suitable ‘making out’ seats.
