Girls, you’ve all been given relationship advice at some point in your life. They generally tell you about the nature of men, and how to keep your man happy by making yourself smaller or weaker. Here are 6 things people keep telling us about men in relationships that are not just inaccurate, but also sexist and do nothing more than reinforce patriarchy:
1- “Let him lead”
They keep telling us girls, from a pretty young age, that men like to lead, and even if you can lead better, you should still let him. Feed his ego and his need to feel in control, so that he doesn’t leave you for someone who will. Of course, that’s absolute and utter BS, because even if a guy is like that, you shouldn’t humour it. Don’t belittle yourself because his masculinity is fragile.
2- “Men are naturally jealous”
Sure, some people are jealous, but there’s nothing inherently masculine or feminine about jealousy. Not all men are jealous, just like not all women are jealous. There’s a thin-line between jealousy and possessiveness and this is often used to excuse men who try to control their S/Os. People usually also tell us that if he’s jealous, it shows you he cares. Not only does that excuse overly-controlling behaviour, it also leads a lot of girls to believe that if he’s not showing signs of jealousy, he doesn’t care.
3- “Mat3anedish, it’ll make him more stubborn”
Relationships are about understanding, compassion and compromise. Sometimes, you’ll let him have his way, and other times, he’ll let you have yours. But the idea that being “stubborn” – which only means you stick to your own values – is why your relationship may fail sucks and makes girls feel guilty for things they didn’t do. It’s okay to not always go with the flow and to put your foot down when you don’t like something. If you can’t do that with your boyfriend, then your relationship has major communication issues.
4- “If he tells you not to wear something, he’s just looking out for you”
Look, whether it’s clothes, where to go, who to talk to or stay friends with, these are personal choices. People claim that he’s only looking out for you w biy5af 3leeki, which may be true, but you’re an adult who can make her own decisions. Choices such as these are personal and completely up to you.
5- “Men like to feel needed”
True or not, you shouldn’t have to dumb yourself down or pretend to be a damsel in distress for a guy to like you and stay with you. Disney and romantic comedies don’t exactly make things easier on us when fighting this stereotype, but we can.
6- “Strong women intimidate men”
I was recently told that if I pursue a masters degree after I graduate, no one will want to marry me. Your success as a person reduces your marriageability, and that’s something we should not accept, but rather defy with all our strength. Being strong, successful and expressive should never make you less desirable.