This is a short guide on how to spot Egyptian douchebags from Instagram. When you learn how to identify them, even through social media, you’ll know how to avoid them in real life. You’re welcome.
1- The Gym Freak
His Instagram is merely a series of shirtless and super deep V-neck mirror selfies trying to pretend that he spends every second of his life at the gym. He will also post the occasional inspirational quote with the hashtag #motivation as the caption, as if he’s the messiah we’ve all been looking for. The reality of the matter is his Greek-like body is probably a production of steroids and 7o2an.
2- The Player
We all have this one friend who knows more girls than you knew existed. Dan Bilzerian is probably his biggest inspiration. He posts a picture with a new girl almost every single day. The funny thing is he most likely has a girlfriend, whom he somehow convinced that all these girls are “zay ikhwato” *cough* bullshit *cough*. You can never tell which one is his GF ‘cause he doesn’t post too many pictures with her and when he does, it has the same caption of “hayaty” or “Best I ever had” like every other picture he has with “ikhwato”.
3- The Party Animal
Most of his pictures are professionally taken by CairoZoom and they’re not candid whatsoever because he incessantly asks the photographer to take pictures of him holding whatever alcohol bottle he probably stole from a random table. The rest of his Instagram consists of pictures of the expensive alcohol bottles he recently splurged on for his next party or trip to Gouna w howa aslan mish la2i yakol. His captions are usually something along the lines of “Another Wild Night out” or “Best party ever”, when in reality, he probably had a miserable time, went home and cried himself to sleep.
4- Shab el “Wanderlust”
After going to Dahab one time, “Wanderlust” suddenly becomes his middle name. One in two chances, his bio will be “Not all those who wander are lost”. He pretends he’s always jet setting to a new destination every week when in reality, he probably didn’t leave his room and is just stealing pictures off Google. And if he does end up travelling somewhere, he will Instagram EVERYTHING he finds his way from a panoramic view to the ceiling of his hotel room. And if it happens that his destination is somewhere local, he will suddenly become the most patriotic person you’ve ever met, putting hashtags like #thisIsEgypt and #visitEgypt when he was just complaining about how he can’t wait to leave this country.
5- The Rich Kid
His Instagram handle probably starts with Lord or King. His biggest inspiration is Scott Disick and refers to everyone as his peasant. He’s the typical spoiled nouveau riche brat who spends his parents’ money and probably never worked for anything in his life. His Instagram posts consist of him fanning himself with dollar bills, his latest designer purchase or sports car, or a video of the 1000 bottle champagne show from his last night out in Cannes.
6- The Mysterious Hipster
Nothing he posts makes any sense (he is probably aware of that himself). His captions are always either one worded followed by a full stop such as “pain.” or a deep quote that again, doesn’t make any sense. The majority of his pictures are black and white and of random irrelevant objects. For some reason, he almost never shows his face in pictures and if he does, only about three quarters of his face and the rest is cut out. He will definitely have at least one picture of the back of his head with a man bun or a fedora. His bio is probably a sentence so irrelevant to anything like “I like penguins” or a pizza emoji. He tries to give off this “mysterious” minimalistic cool vibe, but it’s actually just plain stupid.
