Now that winter is approaching, many are unhappy about its impending arrival. But it’s not all doom and gloom. I for one can find a number of things I am most certainly not going to miss. And reciting these things out loud helps me welcome the winter months. So cheer up people, it’s not all bad. So in the spirit of embracing winter, here are some things I’m not going to miss about the summer.
1. The intense pressure to get your body into beach shape, otherwise known as ‘formet el seif’, a yearly phenomenon that prompts beachgoers worldwide to join a gym, starve themselves, pop diet pills and generally do whatever it takes to get their bodies swimsuit ready. Even if I don’t adhere to this particular philosophy, when I find everyone around me hitting the gym with a vengeance and politically declining when I generously offer them a gummy bear, nodding their heads sagely and patting their stomach and saying, “ahh you know, formet el seif”, it just makes me feel bad about my own lack of effort in comparison. Now that winter’s approaching, and I know I don’t have to participate in the yearly judgmental beauty contest that is wearing a swimsuit on the beach, I can stop feeling guilty about not being a member of a gym, or eating seven cupcakes for breakfast, comfortable in the knowledge that I can cover up any rolls of fat that emerge under multiple layers of clothing. And I can eat lots of cake.
2. Burning my ass on the leather interior of a car, because even through jeans, I can feel my rear end getting a subtle first-degree burn. Or, for that matter, burning the various other areas of exposed skin that come into contact with the searing leather. Not a huge fan of fried skin.
3. Guys nation-wide wearing flip flops or sandals. Feet are generally not a thing of beauty, and without the aid of pedicures, guys tend to have especially unattractive feet. And they use the summer as a free pass to stroll around in the aforementioned footwear, revealing hairy hobbit feet and jagged yellow toenails, a sight I think everyone could do without. And sandals are just ugly.
4. Girls wearing flip-flops and sandals for that matter. Not that I have anything against them per se, it’s just that foot maintenance is a drag and now that my feet will be securely covered in boots I no longer have to concern myself with weekly pedicures. Yay!
5. Peeling. Every time I think I’ve finally conquered tanning, and I want to give myself a high five, I find, to my great sadness, that I am sorely mistaken. Whenever I tan, I inevitably peel, and it’s just not pretty. It happens in stages with varying degrees of grossness and just generally makes me look like I have a rare skin disease. Delicate slivers of dead skin hanging off my face and awkward blotches of two-toned skin are not a good look for me. No matter how much moisturizer I slather on post sun exposure, I will, without fail, experience the wonders of the peeling process.
6. My hair’s rebellion against me in reaction to Sahel’s humid air. Not that I don’t love looking like Simba but it’s really something I could do without. And I don’t want to inflict that kind of suffering on others. An added perk is having to face peoples’ horrified stares as my usually calm and obedient waves transform into what can only be described as a Diana-Ross-meets-Mufasa halo of poufy hair. On the bright side, it makes me a foot taller.
7.Just generally melting every time I step outdoors. I’m not going to miss rivulets, nay rivers, of sweat making their way down my body.