By Rania Naim
I know you’re lonely; I know you have been lonely for a while. I know you’re sick of the days that go by without having that special someone asking about you and your day. I know you’re sick of the nights that you spend at home wishing you could just have a deep conversation about life and sleep in the arms of someone who won’t let you go. I know you’re tired of having to deal with life and all its hardships alone, without having someone to lean on. I know you’re tired of going out with the same people, in the same places that no longer make you feel alive or present. I know you feel dead inside sometimes; I know you feel empty, and I know that it seems like nothing can fill that void anymore.
But I also remember when you had that special someone-the wrong special someone, when you still felt lonely in his presence, when his texts slowly started to become redundant and more of an obligation to him, when his conversations were just as shallow as he was sometimes. I remember when he held you in his arms and you didn’t feel safe, when you feared you would wake up and he won’t be there. I remember when you were in so much pain and he wasn’t there to comfort you. I remember when you were lying awake in bed, feeling like you want to pour your heart out to him but he was just busy. He was always busy when it came to you; he had no time for anyone but himself. I remember when he failed to notice the note you wrote, or listen to that song you sent, or read that book you gave him. I remember when he called you and you were crying and he couldn’t tell and started talking about his day. I remember when you told him that you’re tired of walking alone and he still refused to walk with you or promise that he will at least try, and yet you waited for him, stringing out your loneliness more and more as the years flew by.
Do you remember how it felt the moment you walked away? Do you remember how the loneliness felt when he was no longer there? It felt good and it felt right. At least you were lonely by choice. You were the one who chose to walk alone than walk with someone who was almost there. At least your bedtime meant sleeping alone without losing a piece of your heart to someone who keeps breaking it. At least your weekends weren’t filled with questions and doubts about whether or not he acknowledges your existence. At least your phone didn’t blow up with careless texts and one word answers. At least your hands weren’t holding someone who can’t wait to let them go. At least your eyes weren’t looking at someone who doesn’t see you. At least your smile wasn’t wasted on someone who makes you cry. At least you walked by yourself instead of walking next to someone who made you feel invisible.
I know you’re lonely and I know it hurts. I know you love yourself and you want to share the best of yourself with someone, and I know you have so much love to give. I know you are deep and want to spend your days and nights uncovering the layers of that other person. I know you want to have late night conversations and send silly jokes and love songs. I know you have some days when you just want to be romantic or crazy or childish with that special someone. I know you want to feel loved, heard and wanted. But the truth is the more you let loneliness be the main factor that drives you into the arms of another wrong special someone, the lonelier you will become. Because the right special someone, will abduct you right from the pit of that loneliness so swiftly that you won’t even have the time to grasp how it happened.
Over time, he will make you forget that you ever felt lonely. He will make you forget those who made you feel lonely; he will make you forget the days and nights spent wondering what was so unexciting about your company. He will just be there and walk with you anywhere you want to go. Then you will look back at those lonely days or weeks or years and be grateful for them; you could have wasted them again on someone who didn’t want to walk with you. You walked alone instead, and that shows strength and grace, and you should always walk alone unless you find someone who wants to walk with you and hold your hand when you are crossing the street. You should walk alone unless you find someone who wants to spend his days getting to know all the different layers of you. You should walk alone unless you find someone who wants to spend his nights listening to what you have to say and asking the right questions. You should walk alone unless you find someone who wants to read what you write and listen to the songs you send and read the books you give him. You should walk alone unless you find someone who will know from the second you say hello that something is up. You should walk alone unless you find someone who has been walking alone too, and was looking for someone like you to walk with. You should walk alone unless you find someone who is eager to walk you home every night and never wants to see you walk alone again.