Days pass; you get older. You change your job, your city, maybe even your country. You lose some friends, and meet new ones. You change your perspectives, break some rules, but you get back on track instantly. You fail and succeed; you keep on moving, tripping, giving up and fighting. However, although you’re apt to adapt to all the changes surrounding you, one thing remains unchangeable, the one thing you’ve tried to change for so long but still couldn’t. It’s your fear! Your fear of opening up to someone, letting them get close, developing feelings for them and letting them in; it’s your fear of falling in love! “But why?” You keep asking yourself. Why do you complicate it for yourself when you know that it could be so much simpler?
We live in a society where most people hide their true colors. People seem to have forgotten about humanity and lost their values. Everyone is chasing their own benefits and is willing to do the impossible to achieve what they want. Given such factors, you get sick and tired of analyzing. You get bored from trying to figure out the good from the bad. Eventually, you give up. You just keep your relations with others at a very superficial level, and whenever anyone tries to approach you, you give them that poker face until you understand their true intentions. You build up a huge wall, protecting yourself from the drama, the fraud, the heartache and endless pain. You save yourself the trouble and stop overthinking about the “what do they really want?” and “who are they really?” You just focus on other aspects in your life, closing that one chapter temporarily. Until when? You have no idea; you just keep going with the flow until further notice.
Fear of making the wrong choice
How many times have you seen couples who were madly in love falling out of love after a while? How did the love fade away so soon? What went wrong? Was it a wrong choice? Did they rush into things? Or simply they weren’t meant to be? From here, your fear starts to grow. What if I let someone in and they weren’t the right one for me? What if I misjudged our attraction for love although it was only a temporarily spark? What if we did love each other but our extreme differences stopped us from having a healthy relationship? What if, what if, and what if! You keep on overthinking, thoroughly scrutinizing every situation you’ve come across. The end result? FEAR! You convince yourself that nothing is worth the ache or the struggle, although deep inside you know that if they’re the right one, it will all be worth it. But again, your fear blinds you, and makes you believe that it’s better to keep your distance.
Here comes another problem you frequently face. Most of us value ourselves and know our true worth. And for this reason, sometimes, you reject many people, put your feelings on hold and flee away from many potential relationships. Why? Because you either think that you deserve better, or that they are way out of your league. Foolishly, you turn it into some sort of a mathematical equation, although there are no written rules for falling in love. In addition, you never give yourself the sufficient time, chance or effort to get to really know the other person, or how the two of you can make it work. You simply run away, because it’s easier. You get afraid from doing the wrong calculations and ending up stuck in a non-existent love equation that will probably never get solved. Instead, you choose the easiest way out, to stay right inside your comfort zone.
All in all, you’re afraid of falling in love not because you don’t want to find your soul mate, but just because you don’t want to risk hitting it right from the first time. You just want to make sure that this is the right person, coming at the right time, with no possible issues evolving. You know it’s very hard, but you keep telling yourself that someone will come all the way to break those walls and fight you to win their trust, and this is when you’ll open yourself to love.
Why all the fear? Because when you give, you give it your all, so, when it hurts, it will kill your soul.