You donโt know whether you and your new beau are exclusive or not? Yeah, weโve all been there. Iโm sure youโre dying to do something crazy like asking him where you stand with him, but that will only make you sound really desperateto be with him, even if he wants to be with you too. I ran into an old friend from school a couple of weeks ago, and we went in to catch up on old times-;One of my girlfriends was with me then, so he asked my friend whether she was currently dating or not, she stumbled while replying saying that she was. He laughed really hard then, and explained himself saying โOh I get it, you think, youโve been dating the guy for 6 months, but for him, you guys are still getting to know each other, huh?โ ย So I asked him what he meant by that, he answered with the most honest and interesting thing I had ever heard from a guy: โYou girls always assume that itโs exclusive, when really, weโre still looking for other options!โ
That got me thinking for days. Are we really that lame and naรฏve? Sadly yes. Based on a non-scientific survey of approximately every single woman Iโve ever known, most women start thinking about exclusivity on the first or second date. While men are not even thinking about the third date yet! I guess this has something to do with womenโs insecurities, which is a major turn off. And for men, they just donโt want to be tied down, knowing they canโt do many of the things that they do when they are single. You then start wondering, should I keep on dating him until he realizes he wants to be with me and only me? Should I ask him where we stand? Or should I just break up with him and tell him that Iโm looking for something more serious?
Well, to tell you the truth, none of the above. You shouldnโt continue on dating him until he changes his mind, but you should keep dating him until you start noticing the signs that will show you that heโs serious about you. If these signs do not appear at any time, then he probably doesnโt want this relationship to be exclusive. First, let me get one thing straight, if youโre still at a point in the relationship when youโre still getting to know each other and only went out on a couple of dates, do NOT even think about exclusivity. It will just drive you crazy and drive him away. Only when you begin opening up to him about bodily functions, heart problems, weight issues, and digestive stuff- things that you never even thought you would be talking to a guy about, – thatโs when you know youโre getting comfortable, and, thatโs when you can start worrying about exclusivity.
So here are a couple of signs that will reassure you that heโs definitely in with the serious relationship thing!
Youโre his plans
You find him planning the weekend for you guys, getting you an extra invitation for a party heโs going to, or inviting you to go with him to his friendโs wedding or birthday. Thatโs a HUGE sign that you guys are exclusive! A guy will never take you to these big events that matter to him and let you meet his friends and family, unless he knows for a fact that they will love you as much as he does. This also means you are not just a backup plan when he doesnโt have anything better to do. That means that you are a big part of his plans. You should understand that he enjoys being around you and that he wants to include you in his life.
Heโs super jealous
You tell him that your ex-boyfriend is trying to get you back in his life, or that your new work colleague is hitting on you and wants to go out with you, and you get the feeling that heโs really jealous. He might not say he is, but his actions will show you. He will be intimidated by them, so he will try to win you over by being over cute and trying to satisfy all your requests and needs so that you choose to stay with him and not give those other guys a chance. Thatโs another way of telling you โI want you to be mine, and only mine.โ
The first on his mind!
You find a text message or receive an exciting phone call from him telling you about his new job promotion, his excellent meeting, or that his little brother is getting married and that you were the first one he wanted to share this exciting news with. When you love someone, you always want to share your happy moments with them, so choosing to tell you first before anyone else means quite a lot!
He talks about you
Your friend knows a friend who knows a friend of the guy youโre seeing, and he comes and tells you that heโs been talking to his friends about how great you are and that he really enjoys spending time with you. Just for your information, guys do not talk to their guy friends about the girls they are dating unless they really think they are awesome.
Sweet talk
He tells you things like how he enjoys the times you spend together. How he loves the way you laugh at his jokes and how you make him laugh. How he enjoys those late conversations you have every day. How he likes your flaws, clumsiness, and shyness. But you and only you can decide whether he really means those things or if heโs just the kind of guy who knows how to twist around his words to make a girl happy.
He wants to be with you
You tell him youโre going shopping because you need a new pair of jeans, and he offers to come with you. That goes to show that heโs willing to go to the least interesting place for him, and do the least interesting thing he likes, just to be with you.
He gets personal
He starts telling you very personal things that he experienced in his life or with his family whichyou shouldnโt know about. Guys are not like women; they will not get dramatic and open up unless they really want to share these scars with you.
So, if you are not getting any of those signs listed above from the guy youโre dating, Iโll have to sound like your mother and say, heโs not worth it. You should not settle for less than what you deserve. Figure out what you want, and if the guy youโre dating wonโt deliver, look for someone else!
