You don’t know whether you and your new beau are exclusive or not? Yeah, we’ve all been there. I’m sure you’re dying to do something crazy like asking him where you stand with him, but that will only make you sound really desperateto be with him, even if he wants to be with you too. I ran into an old friend from school a couple of weeks ago, and we went in to catch up on old times-;One of my girlfriends was with me then, so he asked my friend whether she was currently dating or not, she stumbled while replying saying that she was. He laughed really hard then, and explained himself saying “Oh I get it, you think, you’ve been dating the guy for 6 months, but for him, you guys are still getting to know each other, huh?” So I asked him what he meant by that, he answered with the most honest and interesting thing I had ever heard from a guy: “You girls always assume that it’s exclusive, when really, we’re still looking for other options!”
That got me thinking for days. Are we really that lame and naïve? Sadly yes. Based on a non-scientific survey of approximately every single woman I’ve ever known, most women start thinking about exclusivity on the first or second date. While men are not even thinking about the third date yet! I guess this has something to do with women’s insecurities, which is a major turn off. And for men, they just don’t want to be tied down, knowing they can’t do many of the things that they do when they are single. You then start wondering, should I keep on dating him until he realizes he wants to be with me and only me? Should I ask him where we stand? Or should I just break up with him and tell him that I’m looking for something more serious?
Well, to tell you the truth, none of the above. You shouldn’t continue on dating him until he changes his mind, but you should keep dating him until you start noticing the signs that will show you that he’s serious about you. If these signs do not appear at any time, then he probably doesn’t want this relationship to be exclusive. First, let me get one thing straight, if you’re still at a point in the relationship when you’re still getting to know each other and only went out on a couple of dates, do NOT even think about exclusivity. It will just drive you crazy and drive him away. Only when you begin opening up to him about bodily functions, heart problems, weight issues, and digestive stuff- things that you never even thought you would be talking to a guy about, – that’s when you know you’re getting comfortable, and, that’s when you can start worrying about exclusivity.
So here are a couple of signs that will reassure you that he’s definitely in with the serious relationship thing!
You’re his plans
You find him planning the weekend for you guys, getting you an extra invitation for a party he’s going to, or inviting you to go with him to his friend’s wedding or birthday. That’s a HUGE sign that you guys are exclusive! A guy will never take you to these big events that matter to him and let you meet his friends and family, unless he knows for a fact that they will love you as much as he does. This also means you are not just a backup plan when he doesn’t have anything better to do. That means that you are a big part of his plans. You should understand that he enjoys being around you and that he wants to include you in his life.
He’s super jealous
You tell him that your ex-boyfriend is trying to get you back in his life, or that your new work colleague is hitting on you and wants to go out with you, and you get the feeling that he’s really jealous. He might not say he is, but his actions will show you. He will be intimidated by them, so he will try to win you over by being over cute and trying to satisfy all your requests and needs so that you choose to stay with him and not give those other guys a chance. That’s another way of telling you “I want you to be mine, and only mine.”
The first on his mind!
You find a text message or receive an exciting phone call from him telling you about his new job promotion, his excellent meeting, or that his little brother is getting married and that you were the first one he wanted to share this exciting news with. When you love someone, you always want to share your happy moments with them, so choosing to tell you first before anyone else means quite a lot!
He talks about you
Your friend knows a friend who knows a friend of the guy you’re seeing, and he comes and tells you that he’s been talking to his friends about how great you are and that he really enjoys spending time with you. Just for your information, guys do not talk to their guy friends about the girls they are dating unless they really think they are awesome.
He tells you things like how he enjoys the times you spend together. How he loves the way you laugh at his jokes and how you make him laugh. How he enjoys those late conversations you have every day. How he likes your flaws, clumsiness, and shyness. But you and only you can decide whether he really means those things or if he’s just the kind of guy who knows how to twist around his words to make a girl happy.
He wants to be with you
You tell him you’re going shopping because you need a new pair of jeans, and he offers to come with you. That goes to show that he’s willing to go to the least interesting place for him, and do the least interesting thing he likes, just to be with you.
He gets personal
He starts telling you very personal things that he experienced in his life or with his family whichyou shouldn’t know about. Guys are not like women; they will not get dramatic and open up unless they really want to share these scars with you.
So, if you are not getting any of those signs listed above from the guy you’re dating, I’ll have to sound like your mother and say, he’s not worth it. You should not settle for less than what you deserve. Figure out what you want, and if the guy you’re dating won’t deliver, look for someone else!