Funerals are the saddest occasions and have, by default, become the most awkward events to attend. We all try too hard not to act stiff or offend anyone, yet we end up offending everyone! Identity asked around to get accounts of the most awkward funeral stories; we have to warn you, there will be many second hand embarrassments!
Starting with the most common things people say:
- “Mabrouk”
- “El Baka2 lel akwa”
- “Kol sana w ento tayebeen”
- “Wa7shteny fash5!”
- “Hata3mel eh ba3d el 3aza” –to the one whose father just passed away
- “Saley 3ala el naby” –in a Christian funeral
Now for the creative stories:
- “Almost the whole school, staff and students, attended our late teacher’s funeral. The school buses picked us all up from meeting points and as soon as we reached the cemetery, our principle asked why the dead teacher didn’t join us?! When he realized it was her own funeral, he started laughing out hysterically. The whole funeral, including the sheikh, reciting the Quran, burst into laughter!”
- “After spending over an hour at a funeral, I realized it was the wrong one!! I told the deceased man’s son that I was at the wrong funeral; we joked around as it reminded us of ‘El-Lemby’ movie. We’ve been best friends for almost 5 years now.”
- “ In one funeral, there was a complete moment of awkward silence with the break in between Quran recitals before a bike’s ‘shakman’ made a loud noise. The whole ‘Saaed El Hawa’ has just been viral; 3 random people said ‘3amal wa7ed ambaleh’ and the dead woman’s family went from crying to laughing out loud!”
- “In my first Christian funeral, my friend and I went to the first row to give our condolences to the family. The row was huge and we kept giving condolences to tens of people. I kept telling my friend they’re not his family, and he insisted that they are, up until we found a veiled woman standing. We realized that we’ve been condoling all the attendees.”
- “An uncle of a friend of mine (Khalo) passed away, so I went to attend the funeral in Alexandria, ‘Masged el Kaa’ed Ibrahim’. As an Alexandrian, we all know that most funerals are held there, and that it’ll be a hassle finding the funeral. Luckily, when I reached there, I only found one funeral. I walked in confidently, but as soon as I reached out my arm to shake hands with the family of the deceased, I realized that there were 3 funerals taking place at the same time. Since they don’t share a name, I had to check out all 3 only to realize it’s none of them. I left as soon as I can without even giving my condolences.”
- “I forgot to turn my phone on silent; my ringtone was the chorus for ‘Highway to hell’ on the loudest possible volume ever. I never spoke with anyone from the funeral ever again.”
- “Not at the funeral, but during the burial of a friend’s mother, things got super emotional so when we were giving our last prayers, I decided to look at our non-Muslim friend, who’d be doing nothing, to distract myself. I found him pretending to be praying and trying too hard to seem like a Muslim. I started laughing, and everyone looked at him and started laughing too. We couldn’t be more rude.”
Now kids, remember, when you screw up at a funeral, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there!
