Written by: Refaat Sakr
Tell a married man you’re getting hitched and “Why would you do that?!“ is usually the response. His wife will then give him that piercing look and he will go “Don’t get me wrong; I’m happily married, but…“
After this “but” comes too many things that will not stop this poor lad from getting married as the decision is already taken, the date set and all the arrangements made.
Well, let’s start with what comes before.
Damn you Cupid …
It’s one look and the chase begins. You observe the way she talks, walks and smiles. You get this feeling that she’s that special one you were always looking for. Things change, how you act around her and look at her. It’s like a game of chess. Play your moves right and you’re out of the friend zone and on her prospect list. You talk some more; she feels your attention, jealousy and may be screw your brain a bit to make you come out and speak. It’s a game of chess. If you played it right, she will desire you just as much. She will drop her walls and let go of her pawns.
Love is young and fresh. You’re starting to see all her qualities, her good heart and her lively spirit. God, she is so different from anyone you’ve met ever before. She’s very special and so are you. You start seeing how your married friends complain and how easily you can tell that this is not going to happen between you and your future wife. She’s better than that and so are you. You meet her parents. You propose. The rings, the jewelry, the engagement party and it all starts.
You start to get a glimpse of what you will be dealing with, some demands, some mood swings, yet the love is still young and strong.
Damn you Cupid! your arrows blind men and women.
You get the gifts you should get according to the social expectations of the Pharaohs, your great grand parents. Your role has now changed. You can take her mother to the doctor, attend weddings and social events together. She has to show off; she needs to feel she has a man. In fact, more like she OWNS a man. As a man, you don’t complain. You are responsible and nothing is better than that smile on her face when she realizes you have done something for her or a sincere thank you that can make your heart jump.
Your friends got married; they tell you not to. They will always do no matter how happy they are; trust me . There will always be these moments of regret, moments they wish they did things differently.
Then your journey starts. Here is mine, the diary of a married man:
Marriage is a goal for women, a mean for men.
A woman needs security, passion and children. A man needs stability, sex and to silence all the women in his family asking him to get married. Men differ in their quest for stability. It’s nice to get asked if you want to eat and have someone prepare lunch for you, to find your clothes ironed and neatly arranged on your shelves, to have socks that actually match together, etc ..
They say every man grows to marry his own mother, as his wife will resemble his mother in many aspects. As a man, you will always compare your wife to your mother. DON’T. Your mother used to change your diaper, wipe your butt and bathe you when you were little. She loves you because it’s an instinct; your wife is not the same. You constantly have to feed this love.
You got married; you have a happy home, good food on your table and you couldn’t ask for more. At the beginning, there will always be problems, very small problems like you throwing your clothes on that chair, leaving your dirty socks on the floor, forgetting to put up the toilet seat, ignoring the status of the bathroom after you take a shower, etc…
You never worried about these things before, she does.
She asks you to do things, and reacts if they’re not done. You start thinking “so what”; let’s get helpful today. If she’s tired, I’ll do the dishes or make the bed while she’s watching her favorite series.
There are consequences to everything you do. At first, it’s a question: “Would you do this?”, then “Can you this?”, then “Do this.” It doesn’t happen that fast, but that’s the regular progress. It will turn from being a gesture to a God given right, simply because of the first “so what” you told yourself.
There will be some things you can live with; others not. You have to think straight to yourself and see what you can compromise and what you consider non-negotiable.
You can be happy. A married man will take anything with an open heart and as strong as Elshahat Mabrouk if he’s made to feel he’s ‘the man of the house’. A smart woman can grow confidence in you if you lack it; a smart woman will know when to give you a verbal compliment and when to just smile that smile that got you in love with her in the first place.
Women are smart, but they choose not to be sometimes.
