Carrie Bradshaw, was Sarah Jessica Parker’s character in the iconic TV series ‘Sex & the City’. If you’re familiar with the series, you will know that in each episode, Bradshaw would pop a question and throughout the episode she will try to find an answer to it. One of her questions just made me pause, and really reflect over it: Can you get into a future if your past is present?
You know those moments when we start projecting a past relationship onto a current one? When ghosts from the past haunt our present, and affect our future? We start to replay the past, and it blocks our joy! These are the thoughts that crowded my head when Bradshaw popped this query.
Then I figured that the dilemma here is not really the past, it is not the old scars or wounds we carry on, but rather the way we deal with these painful memories.
As a defense mechanism, we tend to build a high wall that separates us from our past relationships. We avoid recalling them. We make it a point to never bump into our exes; we block them on all our social media accounts.
It might even get to the point that we stop being friends with people they are friends with! That’s how high that wall can get.
This is what harms us. This is how our past can have a say in our present, and maybe even our future.
Why would you want that?
Here is a better alternate solution. Instead of concealing this past, why not make peace with it? Open the closed gate for it.
Honour the love and lessons you’ve learned from any previous relationship. Have a closing ceremony to this chapter of your life.
Write them down on paper. It sounds cheesy, but you need to get it out of your system. You need to view them as a part of your life that you can acknowledge and let go off.
In order to have a peaceful present, you have to stop any waging war in your head. There shouldn’t be any civil war between your sad and happy memories. They have to coexist together.
Second step is to turn the page, and let your current relationship be the main plot of your book. You, and your current partner deserve the leading roles. Any one else is just secondary.
So, yes is the answer to Bradshaw’s question. You can get into a future if your past is present. You just have to learn to leave the pain behind and carry the lessons along.