Being a parent is a very challenging, yet rewarding job, particularly here in Egypt where raising children is hardly based on the good knowledge of child psychology. We just tend to experiment with our kids and try whatever approach comes to mind and hope for the best. Consequently, parents constantly have to use their creative side to come up with different approaches to dealing with their children. Identity tried to monitor these approaches and categorize them as follows:

  1. The Aliens

aliensThis type of parenting is quite common among Egyptians. They’re usually two people who walk, talk and act normal; they meet each other, fall in love, get married and when they have a baby everything changes. You discover who they really are; they’re not really human, they’re aliens. The alien language automatically gets activated in their brain the moment their baby is born. You can’t but notice how they start to speak to their babies in alien language. If they wish to ask whether he’s hungry or not, they tell him “Hum mum otta batta?”, where “hum mum” is “do you want to eat?” and “otta batta” probably means “my baby” in alien language! “Are you thirsty?” is “ambu mayya otta batta?”. When the baby does something wrong, it’s “KOKHA”, when it’s disgusting it’s “YAYYA”, aunt is “TATTA”, an injury is “WAWA”, and so on. There are still some expressions which we did not fully comprehend yet, things like “Yatty batata otta batata” and “Yatty yatty yatty yatty” but we will not give up. We will keep further investigating until we expose these aliens.

2. The Business Parents

enhanced-buzz-28646-1386613213-22This is a couple who’s used to the corporate life; they like to categorize every task or activity into sub activities, draw a plan and set a time schedule for them. That’s exactly how they deal with their kids: they too are an activity that has a time schedule and should fit in the time plan. You find them using their business skills to merge two activities in order to save time; they carry their babies around while finishing their chores or meeting friends.

3. The Major General

Blog-Post-10-141In this case, the father is usually an army official. He deals with his kids the same way he deals with his soldiers; they follow a strict bedtime time, rising time and meals time. They need to finish eating in 3 minutes, practice sports everyday even if they hate it, be the top of their classes and become rocket scientists major generals when they grow up.

Also on Identity: Types of Egyptian Fathers

4. The “I am still cool” Parents

anigif_enhanced-buzz-20037-1386702545-19This type tries to simulate the mentality of their kids in order to get closer to them. They try to watch the TV shows they like, play the games they play and have accounts on social media. When the age difference between the parents and their kids is huge, this attempt usually fails miserably.

5. The “We got a new pet” Parents

anigif_enhanced-buzz-20408-1386700135-9This type deals with babies the same way they deal with their pets. They perceive them as means of entertainment; they play with them, feed them, may leave them on the floor and walk away from them whenever they ‘re bored with them.

6. The “Do I have kids?” Parents

These are the parents who forget they have kids in the first place. When they go out with their kids, they leave them, wander off and forget all about them. When they go shopping, their kids go missing; when they go to family reunions, they may go home without the kids. They may recall the fact that another human being is also a member of the family by the end of the day.

7. The “HOLY SHIT WHERE IS MY KID/YALAHWY EL WAD FEIN” Parents

scaredThese parents do not forget their kids, on the contrary, they remember them and scream the famous “YALAHWY EL WAD FEIN” every 3 seconds!!! They’re so frantic that you think they might have left their kid in a jungle, then they say “ah saheeh ahoh, otta batta” and sit down after freezing your blood. Two minutes later, “YALAHWY EL WAAAD”…….

Also on Identity: The Six Types of Egyptian Mothers