We don’t choose who we fall in love with; it just happens when we least expect it. We recognize the person whose pieces match ours, despite who they might be. It could be a friend, a bestfriend, a co-worker or someone we’ve known for years. But what happens if you fall in love with someone who is “unavailable”, in love with someone else, dating or in a relationship?
Falling for someone who’s unavailable doesn’t necessarily mean you started to like them when they were already in a relationship. By the time you met, got to know each other and became really close, they had just gotten involved with someone else. As simple as that!
How do you deal with such a situation?
Dealing with a situation like that is tough, and at many times, heartbreaking. Being in love with someone you can’t have or when the chances of being together is slim can be very painful. There’s always something you can still do though. It takes a lot of guts, but you can tell them how you feel, no matter what the consequences are. You might risk losing them forever, but at least you would feel better after expressing your feelings. Just get it all out and wait for their side of the story. Maybe they had feelings for you too but they didn’t want to admit it; just don’t expect too much. At the end of the day, they’re already committed or in love with someone else, and they may not be interested.
Conversely, you can keep your feelings to yourself and bottle them inside. Sometimes not voicing how you feel could be the better choice, because maybe if they knew, you would lose them even as a friend. Each case is unique and you would know which one is more suitable for you.
Will they ever be with you or do you have to face the harsh reality that they never will?
Expectations lead to disappointments and the reality of a situation like this is really hard. You never know whether you can change someone; change doesn’t come overnight. When you fall in love with someone who’s unavailable, you are in a state of denial. You keep recalling the good times, conversations and fun moments you used to share, ignoring how sometimes they didn’t return your calls or forgot about meeting you. Being in denial and only seeing the good in them is totally fine, but by time, it makes you fall more and more in love with them.
The situation is crystal clear. People don’t change for each other; they change for theirself and theirself only. You hope you’re the reason for this change and every time they do something that upsets you, you come up with different excuses, “maybe they’re just too busy with work” or “maybe they didn’t call because their phone is out of battery”. In reality, they don’t have time for you because they’re just spending their time with the person they like/love.
Such situations are very common and happen all the time so don’t feel like you’re the only one. Falling in love is one of the most spontaneous acts; you never know when or how it happened. We know how hard it is seeing the person you love with someone else, and how badly you want to be with them. We don’t always get what we wish for; but who knows, maybe that person is not the right one for us after all.