Three years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy and we disagreed on almost everything since our lifestyles were totally the opposite. Our life had turned into a huge mess; however, we extremely loved each other. Our relationship lasted for around a year. Later on, he got a job offer outside the country and asked me to marry him, but I refused. I wasn’t sure at the time whether this would be the right person for me. He travelled abroad; I met other guys. But every time I went on a date with a guy, I just remembered him and compared him with the others. I thought it would be easy to move on, but apparently I couldn’t. I tried to contact him again and I found him living a great life. He told me that I wasn’t a supportive person and that he got over me. What can I do to just move on?
Wishing to Move On
Dear Wishing to Move On,
Here is the textbook reply to your question:
Cry and do not fight the pain, eventually you will find your way up. Make new friends, go out to new places, and avoid anything that reminds you of him. Go to the gym. Learn something new. Get a pet. If you have made mistakes in this relationship, write them down and work on yourself. Party hard and hurt a couple of guys on your healing trip!
But let me start over
I have tried the textbook advice many times and it never worked the way I expected it to. I am sharing with you now my experience and sending you vibes of strength, confidence, and sister love.
Acknowledge the fact that you are aching over him now because you gave him that power to hurt you. You gave him power to hurt you when you overlooked his flaws, when you accepted his lack of respect, when you allowed him to step all over you, and when you trapped yourself in the wrong relationship. Withdraw that power now. Write down on a huge poster that he no longer has the power to hurt you!
Review the details of your relationship and write down every single mistake, disappointment, offence, or situation where he acted like a total jerk. Look at this list and tell yourself that those are the reasons why you are leaving him behind to sink into oblivion. Imagine him sinking and fading away. Let him fade away like a bad dream you just woke up from!
Think of him as a tree without a shadow; who would sit under a tree that does not offer shelter or security? Think of that miserable tree that has nothing to offer; no shade, no flowers, no fruits, no seeds, and no life!
The most important advice is to work on your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. You deserve better! I am not deluding you. You deserve the basics; to be loved, to be appreciated, to be respected, and to be understood. You deserve to feel wanted, cherished, and desired. You deserve a partner in life, not just a male.
Do not go on dates just to distract yourself! Go on a date only if you really feel that you want to get to know that person and that he has managed to arouse your curiosity.
Do not pretend or fake anything. If you are unhappy, be unhappy! If you are lonely, be lonely! It will pass!
Go to the gym, learn new things, and have hobbies because this is life! You are still alive and you owe it to yourself to live and to be happy! Do not punish yourself by intentionally neglecting your health or damaging your image!
Remember that men come and go but you only have yourself to lean on and to live with! The wait for Mr. Right might be long but until he comes along enjoy whatever there is to enjoy! Embrace the little joys and love yourself!
Remember that you are moving on because this man is not right for you and that relationship is not where you belong! You deserve better!
If you have a relationship question for Marwa, you can send it to [email protected] with the title: Relationship Question. All submissions will remain anonymous and if selected, questions will be sent to Marwa and published in Identity’s magazine.