The weather in Egypt is so crazy right now, all we can expect at this point is for unicorns to fall from the sky. It’s so brutally hot and unjust, your phone is probably overheating just trying to load this article. No one knows what anyone did to bring these unbearable conditions upon us all, and we don’t have many options for what we can do to survive. Here’s a dozen to start with:
Step One: Hide in your apartment, blast the air, and pray to the old gods and the new that the power doesn’t get cut.
Step Two: Speaking of gods, this would be a good time to convert to every major religion and a few smaller ones, because with 45 degrees plus scorching rain plus sandstorm could quite possibly mean the end of the world.
Step Three: Drink water.
Step Four: Research if ice cream places deliver, and turn your conscience off from thinking about the poor soul who would have to face the streets to deliver it.
Step Five: Drink water.
Step Six: Drink water.
Step Seven: Try to distract yourself from the bludgeoning heat with anything possible. Anything other than looking at everyone’s status updates about the hot weather.
Step Eight: Cry a little. No one has to know.
Step Nine: Suddenly give up smoking because even holding the lighter and a lit cigarette is too much added heat next to your face.
Step Ten: Drench yourself in cold water like the Ice Bucket Challenge is going out of style (which it already did, but that’s not important now).
Step Eleven: Consider moving to the Arctic.
Step Twelve: Cry a little more, when you realize it’s only May, and summer is still coming.
