Remember Troy? What did the Greeks do when they wanted to getย past Troyโs high-rise wall? They built a gigantic wooden horse;ย the Trojans took it for a surrender gift and brought it past their wall.ย At night, the Greeks, hiding inside the horse, emerged andย opened the city gates.ย
Thatโs the trick! Who said you needed to bulldoze a wall when youย could be invited past it?
It happens that sometimes you like someone and then it turns outย that they have put up barriers and shields to protect themselvesย againstย anticipated emotional pain. If you seek to bring down thoseย walls, using a wrecking ball would not only bring themย down, itย mightย totally demolish them causing internal damages or causalityย to this personโs castle. So, why not trying to find the chink in theย wall, or an unguarded doorway leading inside, better yet getย invited past the walls rather than knocking it down? Yes, it mightย meanย tricking the person, but who cares? All is fair in love and war.
There’s a strategy to this kind of love; some particular steps mustย be followed to copy the Greek methodologyย and penetrate into the person’s castleย without giving a second glance to the โDo Not Enterโย sign:
1. Find their weak and their strong points
You must put together the whole picture: the self-assured adult andย the insecure child, the spine and the fear, the strength and theย desperation. Thatโs the only way to figure out the heart of the issueย and then deal with it; thatโs the chink in the wall through whichย youย will sneak inside.
2. Defrosting the ice around their hearts
This wall is an emotional baggage that this person is carrying from theย past, therefore, you need to push past their anxiety andย fear ofย empty promises and venture farther into their heart. That mayย takeย a hell lot of time. The more solid the wall is, the more time it will takeย you to get past it and that leads us to the next step.
3. Be patient
Donโt expect them toย changeย on the spot unless youย have a magic wand; you will have to learn to deal with theirย seeminglyย cold exterior. It takes time to heal; it takes time toย start trusting again. A little patience goes so far.
4. Great love requires great courage
This step is exclusively for you, not for the person with the shield.ย Walls are made of cement and every other kind of stubbornย material; they are not coming down without a fight. Itโs all aboutย whether youโre determined to exchange blows with those defenseย mechanisms, or whether you should head straight to the door.
5. Make them believe they’re not at risk with you
Anticipating emotional pain is the way things work for these typesย ofย people; thatโs the main reason for them to have layers of doubt. You have to give them good reason to believe they areย in no danger with you; only then they will drop their guards.
6. Let them know you acknowledge there is a valid reason forย their fear of attachment
They must feel you’re fighting side by side to get to the safeย shore, that they’re not alone in this. That canโt happen withoutย them realizing you recognize their wounds and that youโre only here toย tend to them.
7. Healing requires expressing
Restrained and inhibited emotions canโt be dealt with; we needย them to float on the surface whether by crying, screaming orย confessing, Only then, we will be able to cut them from the rootsย and start the healing process.
8. Negative emotions should be substituted with positive ones
Agony, dread, anxiety and many other negative feelingsย block the personโs happiness; they should all be overriddenย with new positive emotions and uplifting thoughts like caring,ย doting and loving once and for all.
Last but not least, you must act likeย a pro whenย knocking those wallย down, because they will probably find their way back to be builtย again. You have done it once and the first time round isย always theย hardest. Soon, this issue will be like water over the dam.
