Every now and then, there comes a point in life when you change your perspective about almost everything, an incident or an experience after which nothing stays the same. It leaves a mark on your soul that lasts for a very long time and you will always remember how it felt. For me, this turning point was wasting a day of my life in “El Segell El Madany.” I will always recall the distinctive offensive body odour of thousands of tormented fellow Egyptians…
Like any governmental office, “El Segell El Madany” is a place where you will rethink your opinion on the number of human beings that can fit under one roof. I believe there were about four to five million Egyptians in a hall, which can only accommodate up to three hundred maximum. The first challenge was to find a single particle of oxygen to breath in order not to suffocate.
Based on my experience, here is a guide to how you can survive a day in “El Segell El Madany” (and almost any other governmental office) and how to face the undead crowd (the people who will step on you, push you, and shove you just to get what they want) and escape without any damages..
Rule #1: Priorities
Only bring the necessary papers. If you carry too many documents on you , it will only confuse you, slow you down, and give the ‘undead’ an opportunity to attack you.
Rule #2: The Safety Clothing
Make sure to wear your protective gear which consists of a gas mask to keep out the foul smell of sweat, an old shirt and pants which you won’t mind getting stained or ruined by other people’s food, drinks, sweat or tears…) and a pair of good running shoes to facilitate your escape.
Rule #3: Know the Area
There are way too many dead ends, broken steps and useless employees around; you have to study the area well and locate the exit so you can make a run for it as soon as you finish.
Rule #4: Team Up
The first thing you will encounter is a 2 km long queue of people hoping to make their way into the building; run a quick scan and try to spot the perfect team partner. You’re either looking for someone who’s well-built and can help you overcome the thousands of people you will encounter in upcoming stages, or someone who looks like he knows what he is doing to help you successfully accomplish the mission.
Rule #5: Know your weapons
Your elbows and knees are your most valuable weapons; they will help you during the self-defense stage (and of course in the offense too if things get nasty). But avoid hand-to-hand combat if you can; it is always easier to run.
Rule #6: Avoid Attention
Try to avoid getting noticed; if you draw attention to what you are doing, the ‘undead’ will probably attack and try to find out how you’re going about things. Keep your hair short and your cloths tight; this will prevent the crowd from grabbing you.
Rule #7: Free Run
Master the art of ‘Parkour’ for full maneuverability; sometimes you will need to move fast from one office to another. You will have to find a way, or make one.
Rule #8: Sacrifice
Leave the slow and the weak behind; they are an obstacle for your survival.
Rule #9: SURVIVE!
When you’ve finally accomplished your mission impossible (or reached the 5 hours time limit for human survival), run as fast as you can; use all the weapons and techniques you have learned and try to get out as fast as possible or else you will be dragged right back again for God know how many more hours.
