Written by: Jihad Mahmoud
In my words, there lies my freedom. For the written word is much safer and takes less courage than the spoken one.
It’s where I can fly having no fear of falling, where I can venture into dangerous places having no fear of being harmed. It’s where I can get lost, knowing that I’ll always find my way back.
I laugh and cry, scream and break and shatter in my words, with no one watching, with no one judging.
For it’s just me and my words dancing to the happy and sad notes of life.
I create my own music and my own songs. I weave my own stories and make my own endings.
And with this sense of freedom comes an indescribable feeling of exhilaration, an incomparable feeling of release for I let out all that’s holding me back:
All the fears and anxieties revved up by my past shames and my future insecurities,
All the pain that clutched my heart in its fists and squeezed it,
All the shouts for help I kept inside for I knew no one would truly be able to help me mend,
All the pleas for a quieter place, a more peaceful and loving world to belong to,
All the tears that I didn’t let go past my eye lashes, that I kept imprisoned lest they mirror how broken I am inside, how fragile.
And in my words, I’m free to love you in my own imperfect way.
I’m free to make you from scratch, to paint you in softer touches and kinder tones, to draw you in lines similar to mine, lines that mingle with mine for we’re always paralleled my love. In reality, we never meet.
I’m also free to hate you for how many times you broke my heart and never cared to pick up the pieces, for how many times you shot your arrows and never cared to look where they landed. They always cut me open and you always let me bleed.
And through my words, I heal.
I’m reincarnated into a whole new being, with a whole new heart and soul, ready to take on the world with its remedies and its plagues, with its joys and its wounds.
Because at the end of the day, I know I’ll press the keys and breathe it all out in my words, taking in a fresher air of my lost happiness … of my lost freedom.