Admit it, you’ve been saying New Year, New Me every time New Year’s Eve comes around, and nothing changes. You’re not alone. Everyone from all over planet Earth, and probably other planets too, keep making plans and resolutions with every coming year with the intention of changing and improving. The truth is they usually only last for three hours maximum before we revert back to all of our old ways. Here are some that we hear and say over and over:

No more kersh

The “kersh” is an Egyptian trademark. How can you be an Egyptian without a kersh? It’s an insult to our culture and heritage! With the New Year, however, we all decide to head to the gym and get rid of it for once and for all. The reality is that you pay thousands on the gym’s year membership and your personal trainer, but you never go for more than 3 weeks. You know you’ve got it bad when you block your trainer’s number so they can’t call and make you feel guilty.

No more smoking for me!

“Habatal el sagayer, w akon ensan gedeed!” said every smoker on New Year! The New Year started, and aren’t you all cute with your nicotine patches and green tea pills trying to replace your fix! But did you know that this random tobacco brand that you never smoked changed its package? Yeah, now go to the kiosk and have that “last pack.” Want to go for shisha afterwards?

I’m swearing off of social media 

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, they’re all extremely time consuming. Think of all the time wasted in 2015 doing nothing but scrolling down our phones stalking others, and all of the missed life changing moments so we could take the perfect selfie. This year is the time to change that habit and quit social media, but I have to make a story about this on Snapchat and then write an emotional Facebook post first.

No more political debates

Why argue over something we both don’t understand? Let’s be civilized and accept each other’s political views. Let’s all be… Wait, who did you say you voted for in the presidential elections? You son of a…!!!

No more breaking the law

We Egyptians break the law more than we ever realize, from driving laws to that bribe you paid to get your papers done. It’s time to change and respect our law. It’s not a circus, we should all respect the law even if we don’t want to. IS THERE SERIOUSLY NOT A SINGLE PARKING SPOT HERE? Oh well, we hope that car we’re blocking doesn’t want to leave before us.

No more material things, and more experiences

It’s time to leave the materialistic life behind us, and live the real life. No more expensive phones and clothes we barely wear, it’s time to go around the world to see and learn new things. But how can I travel or learn something without the new iPhone 6s+?