By: Jihad Mahmoud
Oh Dear Heart, why are you pulling me downward into this vortex of the past, a spiral of memories that should have had a closure but didn’t, memories that I know have no place in my present nor a hope of existence in my future! And why do you add this filmy layer of charm to them and block my vision to their flaws?! Why do you make them seem too perfect to overcome, too real to ignore?!
Oh Dear Heart, why do you forget the hurt and only remember the mirage of happiness you once thought you lived in! Why can’t you remember how with every moment of this so-called happiness, you were literally panicking in anticipation of the pain that always followed!
Oh Dear Heart, when will you stop romanticizing what should be real! When will you stop making me nostalgic for modified versions of truth, for photo-shopped images of flawed faces and beautified emotions! When will you let me for once take in the ugly truth just as ugly as it is, just as bare, just as cruel! Or how would I learn my lesson then from the wise master – Time!
Oh Dear Heart, will you listen to my pleas! Will you have mercy on my poor soul that’s become as fragile as a straw and as vulnerable as a deer in the sight of a hungry lion! Will you spare yourself the ache that always starts in you, by you! You, my dear little culprit!
I command you now – or rather beg you – allow me the insight I deserve out of my past experiences, allow my past mistakes to be of meaning, to be of reason. Let me see the patterns I should escape from, the patterns I used to fall for over and over again due to your playful embellishment of past truths and foggy recollections of true sentiments!
Let me know the difference between fake and genuine, honest and manipulative, sincere and deceitful.
Allow me to cross over the bridge that ties my past to my present to reach safely and more knowingly into the unknown land of my future.