Most people lie at some point: fact of life that must be accepted as true and unchanging, even if it is unpleasant. But there’s a difference between lying and being a liar. Lying is in our nature as human beings; it’s the ‘social lubricant’ we use to make ourselves look better or evade embarrassment. We use ‘white lies’ to avoid hurting others like when you ask your boyfriend one of those mother of trick questions: โDo I look fat in this?โ or โDo you think she’s pretty?โ He would be a fool if he told you the truth, but thatโs also a lie.
As for lying to cover up wrongdoings, thatโs another story, butย when itโs a compelling habit like breathing then this person would rightfully beย labelled a โliarโ.
In this case, the problem goes beyond honestyโs territory into fidelityโs. If youโre ill-fated to discover that youโre in a relationship with a liar, you need to know how you will deal with this kind of issue, resolve it or walk away from this person if needed.
Well, for starters, you need to acknowledge that lying is a kind of malady. Beย patient and don’t hold your breath; itโs a long and not so easy process.
The โAll bloke liesโ is nothing but a rubbish saying
Guys donโt have a carte blanche or a pass to lie to keep things under their hats. If they rise aboveย the normal lying bar, they need to be stopped.
Whatโs behind the lie?
The motivation is the heart of a lie; itโs what distinguishes a small white lie from a big fat one. Sniff around and find out what makes him lie in the first place before starting the talk with him. If the motivation is covering up for the time he spent with some other girl then itโs time to find you a new boyfriend.
A liar with good intention is also a liar
If he lies in order not to hurt your feelings (like keeping his mumโs opinion ofย you to himself), then you should him give some creditย for good intention. A frequent action could easily turn into a habit though so you need to draw theย line somewhere otherwiseย you will have yourself a liar but with good intention, but then we’re still in the neighborhood.
Donโt let him get away with it
You hold no sway over his lies but are you seriously going to let him get away with it? We donโt learn much from our mistakes, especially the ones we escape blame for. So whenever it happens that he lies and you know it, raise the red flag. Dig until you find reasons and donโt settle for excuses.
Youโre not his mother
Confront him with honesty but donโt go down the โYouโre a liarโ road; it would only shore up his defenses and he wouldnโt admit his lies. Remember youโre not his mother, so donโt lecture him, just talk to him. Use โIf there is something youโre keeping from me thinking it will upset me, maybe it will but I still choose the hurting truth over the painless lie so bring it out to the open andย we can handle it together.โ This way, it’s easier to digest.
At the end of the day, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. If youโve tried your best with this person and his lies are still out of control, you canโt force telling the truth down his throat. Itโs up to you then to march away toward a more respectful relationship with someone who honorsย you or accept him with this flaw and go to rack and ruin.
But remember, once a liar always a liar…..
