Most people lie at some point: fact of life that must be accepted as true and unchanging, even if it is unpleasant. But there’s a difference between lying and being a liar. Lying is in our nature as human beings; it’s the ‘social lubricant’ we use to make ourselves look better or evade embarrassment. We use ‘white lies’ to avoid hurting others like when you ask your boyfriend one of those mother of trick questions: “Do I look fat in this?” or “Do you think she’s pretty?” He would be a fool if he told you the truth, but that’s also a lie.
As for lying to cover up wrongdoings, that’s another story, but when it’s a compelling habit like breathing then this person would rightfully be labelled a “liar”.
In this case, the problem goes beyond honesty’s territory into fidelity’s. If you’re ill-fated to discover that you’re in a relationship with a liar, you need to know how you will deal with this kind of issue, resolve it or walk away from this person if needed.
Well, for starters, you need to acknowledge that lying is a kind of malady. Be patient and don’t hold your breath; it’s a long and not so easy process.
The “All bloke lies” is nothing but a rubbish saying
Guys don’t have a carte blanche or a pass to lie to keep things under their hats. If they rise above the normal lying bar, they need to be stopped.
What’s behind the lie?
The motivation is the heart of a lie; it’s what distinguishes a small white lie from a big fat one. Sniff around and find out what makes him lie in the first place before starting the talk with him. If the motivation is covering up for the time he spent with some other girl then it’s time to find you a new boyfriend.
A liar with good intention is also a liar
If he lies in order not to hurt your feelings (like keeping his mum’s opinion of you to himself), then you should him give some credit for good intention. A frequent action could easily turn into a habit though so you need to draw the line somewhere otherwise you will have yourself a liar but with good intention, but then we’re still in the neighborhood.
Don’t let him get away with it
You hold no sway over his lies but are you seriously going to let him get away with it? We don’t learn much from our mistakes, especially the ones we escape blame for. So whenever it happens that he lies and you know it, raise the red flag. Dig until you find reasons and don’t settle for excuses.
You’re not his mother
Confront him with honesty but don’t go down the “You’re a liar” road; it would only shore up his defenses and he wouldn’t admit his lies. Remember you’re not his mother, so don’t lecture him, just talk to him. Use “If there is something you’re keeping from me thinking it will upset me, maybe it will but I still choose the hurting truth over the painless lie so bring it out to the open and we can handle it together.” This way, it’s easier to digest.
At the end of the day, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. If you’ve tried your best with this person and his lies are still out of control, you can’t force telling the truth down his throat. It’s up to you then to march away toward a more respectful relationship with someone who honors you or accept him with this flaw and go to rack and ruin.
But remember, once a liar always a liar…..