Remember the days we stayed up so late chatting to each other? The days we shared our aspirations and dreams together, and swore we’ll be there for each other through thick and thin. Those days are long gone now my friend. You said you would be here, but somehow you left. And now that I’m all alone, I just wish to tell you a few things.
I never understood how easy it was for you to leave
Sure we had our differences and problems. Sometimes, I even swore that I will not speak to you again, but I always knew those were angry words. I never really intended to do it. I believed you’d have my back through it all, so how was it that easy for you to walk away? It sure was not that easy for me. There were days when it took plenty of will power not to pick up the phone and call you, but I never felt that was a problem for you. You didn’t seem to care, while I spent a lot of time trying so hard to get over losing you.
I still want to pick up the phone and tell you when something good or bad happens
The void you left was not really easy to fill. I couldn’t replace you no matter how hard I tried. Sometimes, I’m stuck through the worst of situations and all I could think of is picking up the phone and calling you to comfort me. When I ace a test or nail a job interview, you’re the first person I want to call to celebrate the news with.
You broke my heart in so many more ways than you would think
People believe that heartbreak is solely exclusive for boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but the truth is, losing you was far worse. Suddenly, all I believed in no longer made sense. You were the only consistent thing in my life. I was more sure of you than anything else in the world, but all of a sudden, you left and it left me full of doubt. If I lost the one person I believed in so much, what was to stop anyone else from leaving me? You shattered everything I thought I knew. All I believed in suddenly became non-existent, because after all, did I not believe in you and did you not leave me?
I still check up on you and wish you no harm
I probably never showed it because I was so bruised from the way you left things, but I still ask all our friends about you and take great pride in your accomplishments and successes. Even though I might seem a little apathetic when someone mentions your name, that is only because I know very well what I’m missing out on. I also need you to know I will always be there for you, even if it’s through telling a friend what to tell you. It breaks my heart now that I have to cross to the other side of the street in order to avoid saying hello, but trust me, there’s nothing more I wish to do.
I’ve grown so much since we last talked
It might be hard for you to believe, but I’m no longer the same person you left behind. I’ve done things that you would have never thought I was capable of doing. Sometimes they came to me as a surprise too, but thanks to you, I’m stronger. I know I can make it on my own. Losing you was the slap on the face I needed to realize I had to take matters in my own hands, that no one is ever going to be fully there for me. And for that my dear friend, I’m more thankful than you will ever know.
Finally, I’m writing you all this because I felt like we both deserved a clean slate. Even though things got really ugly at the end, it’s important to remember we shared great moments together. In a way, they have shaped both our lives and partially made us the people we are today. So next time you walk past me, maybe wave your hands at me. It’s silly really, but why not? We owe it to all the times we spent together to keep things decent between us. My dear friend, let’s stop sabotaging the good moments we had together because of our stupid egos.