Why didnāt I try harder to make the relationship work? Should I give him another chance to make it right? These are the questions that all girls tend to ask themselves after a breakup. You start wondering if it was a mistake letting him go, and place some blame on yourself as well, and think that maybe if you had done things differently he wouldnāt have had to cheat on you and you wouldnāt have had to leave him. But no! I know that on the one hand, you care about this person and want to stay with him through thick and thin. But on the other hand, you want to protect yourself from getting hurt. So you should know that there comes a time where you have to be willing to say āenough is enoughā!
AĀ while after a breakup, our memory tends to play a little trick on us where it helps us remember all the good times we had with that person and not the bad times. You start reminiscing about these good times you guys had together while he was still a loving, charming, and faithful person, which makes you conveniently forget the pain he put you through! Itās then that you start thinking about giving him a second chance and re-connecting. You forget how mad at him you were when the crisis that led to the breakup happened, and put some blame on yourself, thinking that you could have been more tolerant, more understanding, and more forgiving, and that maybe you were overly critical or protective! You realise now that nobodyās perfect and that you are more willing to work on your own behaviour this time. You think about everything and forget about the most important thing: That you are not only giving him a second chance, but you are also taking a risk in getting your heart broken again.
The first thing you need to think about is the overall quality your relationship originally had. Itās not about whether you were in love or not, itās about how well you got along together and how easy it was to just live in each othersā worlds. If it was never easy and it was always a struggle to make the relationship work, then you really need to see a doctor for even considering giving him a second chance. I can say from my own experience that it usually never pays off to travel down a road that has already proven to be a failure. But if you were always happy together and the only thing that led to the breakup was a mistake he made, then a second chance doesnāt seem like a bad idea as long as you know that it may or may not result in a happy ending this time around.
I still believe that the essence of a relationship doesnāt change. So, going back and trying again may set you up for a second round of disappointment. Although you have learned to appreciate your partner more, and not give up on him easily, that may not be enough to make it work. But a second chance can provide a good opportunity to reassess the relationship and to then either move forward or give it closure. If you decide to try to work things out, then you need to work on a couple of things as well.
First of all, forgive and forget!!! Donāt let the mistake he once made continue to haunt you. I personally think that a girl could never forget what once hurt her so badly, but you shouldnāt keep on bringing it up every time your partner does something wrong or something slightly related to it. It was your decision to give him a second chance, it was your decision to forgive him for what he did, so you have to try and put it behind you and move on with your life. Although there will be times where you will get really mad at him and where youāll want to remind him that you havenāt forgotten what he did before, doing that will only make things worse and drive him crazy.
Second, I know that it will be hard to trust him again, and that you might not believe everything he says because he once lied to you and he could lie to you again. But again, it was your own decision to forgive him, so donāt be overprotective or clingy or meddle in everything he does. For example, he tells you that a work colleague tried flirting with him but he turned her down. But you donāt really believe that he turned her down, so you wait until he goes to the bathroom to check his phone to find out if he was texting her or something. Let me tell you that thatās a terrible mistake!! Letting yourself doubt him will never help you get over your trust issues. You should slowly try to believe that heās telling the truth.
Third, donāt expect more from him just because he was the one who messed things up. I know what youāre thinking: That you gave him a second chance so now itās his turn to prove that he deserved it and that heās changed. And of course he should and he will, but donāt expect that he will change 180 degrees as soon as youāre back together so that you donāt get disappointed when he doesnāt live up to these expectations.
Try to work on yourself and your behaviour as well. Iām not saying you should blame yourself for what he did to you before, but always remember that for every action there is a reaction. Think of what he did to upset you, and think of what you could have done differently to let him think twice before taking that path. For example, if he cheated on you, it might be because he was looking for something that he couldnāt find in you. Or maybe it was because you werenāt giving him the attention he needed so he was seeking attention from someone else.
At the end of the day, itās your own decision! Follow your instincts. If you feel that giving your partner a second chance will work, don’t hesitate to do that ā you never know, it might just work to your advantage and you will never know unless you try. As far as personal relationships are concerned, only you and your partner know what the issue is, so you should be able to settle things just between the two of you.