We all dream of living happily ever after and falling in love with our prince charming. Nobody wants to die alone! Embarking on such journey and the quest to finding our Mr. Right can prove to be a great challenge. Spending a lifetime with a person needs vigilant contemplation, it is a lifetime commitment, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part.
There are no clear cut guidelines in picking your perfect match. In matters of the heart, nobody can tell you what is right and what is wrong. Nevertheless there are some aspects worthy of contemplation when choosing your mate.
Most of us live our entire lives not knowing who we truly are; we get entangled in the vicious routine of life till we lose our own identity in the process. We stray so far that we lose sight of what really matters to us and what we actually want. The first step in finding the right partner should be finding YOU. Get to know yourself and what you want before asking what you want in your life partner. How can you choose a spouse when you don’t even know what will really make you happy?
It is not rocket science, never marry someone for the wrong reasons. We are living in a strongly opinionated society. Don’t let cultural and societal doctrines dictate what you want. Don’t succumb to their pressure into marrying just for the sake of not being an outcast. There is nothing wrong in taking your time and picking the right person for you and surely there is nothing wrong with being single till you find the ONE. Repeatedly we encounter people who stay with someone in an unhappy relationship predominantly out of some kind of fear which is generally of being alone. Being in such a relation is unfair to you both and preventing you from the happily ever after you deserve.
Don’t pick your partner based on what your parents, family and friends expect of you. You are your own person; pick your right fit. In the puzzle of life, you need to find the one person that fits perfectly. Choosing soundly is the pillar of a good marriage. Select well since at the end of the day the good and bad ramifications of your choice will shape your life.
Make sure you are marrying the person you want to grow old and grey with, the person you want to spend your life journey accompanied by. Communication and respect are the keys to a successful and fruitful marriage. You need to be able to talk openly and honestly about anything and everything and still respect one another and your occasional different point of views in life. A great relation has emotional compatibility. How that person makes us feel as opposed to what the relationship looks like on paper is a balance which needs to be addressed. We don’t live our lives on paper…
It is very important that you and your partner share common interest. It is amazing when you both enjoy each other’s company while having fun and doing the things you really love. You do not want to be a carbon copy of each other, it would just be too boring but having common grounds makes life worthwhile. Oftentimes having very different interests leads to one person sacrificing for the happiness of the other which consequently leads to problems and resentments.
We all know that there is no such a thing as a perfect man or woman, everyone has their flaws. Don’t we all wish we could tailor make our partner but reality check, we will eventually have to compromise; always remember to do so on the trivial things such as hair color, height, etc… but never on any of the core issues. Make sure the balance between the positive and negative tilts favorably. Never compromise on your values, they make you who you are.
Find someone you can be yourself with. Don’t be with someone that wants to change you. You are ENOUGH. You are amazing and the right person will fall for you just the way you are. Why be a copy of someone else when you can be your own original. Don’t get me wrong, if you feel you want to improve for the better, then go ahead, but if you are doing so because of someone, you will never be happy with who you have become. You will one day stand in front of the mirror and wonder where you have gone. Similarly don’t expect someone will change for you or that they will change once you live together, if you can’t accept the reality of each other; then walk away.
Give yourself the chance to get to know one another better. It is very true that you only really know a person when you have both been under the same roof. Nevertheless since by then it will be too late, make sure to pay attention to the tiny details in the relationship. Look for the red flags and follow your gut feelings. Our intuitions are our compass in life guiding us through the storms of our thoughts and desires. Don’t just focus on the wedding dress and the extravagant festivities while losing sight of the marriage you are entering. People are always on their best behaviors for short periods of times. Every situation you face together shows you the real person hidden deep inside. Make sure not to ignore the signs and that whatever concerns your might have is addressed. If something looks or feels too good to be true, it generally is. Don’t fall in love with someone your intuition says you couldn’t build a satisfying and fulfilling life with.
Have fun, live your life, the less pressure you place on yourself, the happier you will be with who you are and the more at ease you will become thus creating a space to attract the right kind of people to you. Sometimes it just takes seeing so much of what we don’t want to figure out what we really want in the end. Keep in mind that everyone is searching for their “ideal partner” too and if you search long enough you will find each other.
Here is a peace of wisdom just for you. It can be summed up as one of my friends once wrote:” A breakup is easier than taking a ring off, taking a ring off is easier than divorce and breaking a marriage is easier than divorce with no kids. Divorce with no kids is definitely easier than divorce with kids and divorce with kids is surely better than staying in a marriage miserably to keep a family together.” By Rana Saleh.
Go out, meet new people, explore the horizon, and don’t search for love. When the time comes and your heart is open to it, it will just hit you like thunder. And believe me when I tell you that Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else… till then just have faith and follow your heart…