I am a man in my late 20s. My life can be easily defined as a series of bad relationships; I have this ability to always go for the worst possible option, lately though I have been in this stable relationship with a person who respects and loves me. However, and for some reason, I feel bored and miss the hunt. I want to go back to being hunted and feel the rush of that first kiss and those first days of every –eventually doomed – relationship. Perhaps I’m addicted to drama or maybe I miss the excitement either way I have this pressing urge inside to just ditch this relationship. Is there a way for me to stay with the person I’m with while maintaining the freshness and excitement of short-term relationships?
In response to your problem, I will walk you down two different paths and you will have to search for the truth within you.
Path #1 Not all people are marriage material!
Yes! Some people were not created to fit the mold of a stable marital life! Some people – men and women – were created to be single forever! The traditional image of husband-wife-kids is not what those people want.
Those men resent the idea of marriage, partnership, being responsible for other human beings, and the duties shouldered by the head of the family.
The women also resent the image of the dedicated wife and subservient female that accompanies the marriage contract.
Maybe you are one of those people … maybe marriage and family is not your cup of tea!
If that is the case, then I advise you to be honest with the women you approach and do not invest in a relationship beyond your means!
Path #2 Wait for the urge!
Wait for the urge to settle down and start a family hits you. That urge will be so powerful that no matter how hard you hang on to your independence, you will be swept into a committed relationship.
You will crave having kids, having a woman to go home to, sharing your day to day events with that woman, and you will no longer miss hunting.
I also have to be honest with you … married men also miss that rush you talked about. Some of them would go on wild hunts just to flex their muscles and others exercise self control and focus on their families.
The ones who hunt when they are married are labeled as cheaters and their marriages are always at risk.
A good question to ask yourself is: Why do you want to get married? Start there and good luck.
I am a 21 year- old ambitious girl, with dreams of becoming successful in my career. I am dating this amazing guy who is perfect for me, and I am aware that this is as good as it gets and that I will never find someone who will make me as happy as he does. But I am scared, I have a fear of commitments. I don’t know when it all started or how, but I guess it had something to do with people around me. I am surrounded with girls who were betrayed, hurt, divorced, no matter how long they stayed together or how deeply in love they were. They all say the same thing at the end – “He turned out to be someone else after marriage.” I know I want to have kids someday and start a family with the person I love, but I am afraid that even if I am head over heels about him right now, it will all fade away later on. I don’t want to scare him away, so I try not to show it. But I am a very sensitive person and I am not so good at hiding how I feel. What do I do?
Dear ambitious girl!
Enjoy it while it lasts – this is my advice to you! There are no guarantees in life! You might change, he might change, or both of you might change. Change is a fact of life!
Think of your current relationship as a novel with several chapters; each chapter unveils new events and with the twists of the plot the characters of the key players change and develop. It would be a very dull novel if the heroes do not interact with events or react to situations!
I also want to tell you that it is ok to get hurt – we grow through pain! Even if your heart gets broken, there will always be a lesson learnt. There will also be new things to look forward to in each phase of your life.
Try to be realistic about your expectations … of course he will be someone else after marriage – and the way he perceives you will also change after marriage. Sharing a home with another person is not easy and no matter how long you have dated, you will both have different challenges behind closed doors.