Who said that keeping your man happy is hard? All you have to do is put every piece of individuality that you have aside and become the cookie-cutter image of a cute, feminine girl that will make the perfect trophy wife to bring home to his mother. It’s so easy, as long as you follow everything on this list perfectly. Here are sure-fire ways to win his heart while losing your sanity at the same time. Note that this article is intended to be totally sarcastic.

  • Bring him food, whether chocolate or dessert, any sandwich, remember that the way to a man’s heart is simply through his stomach. What can I say? Be a new mum and feed him!
  • Talk about his pet; men adore women who love pets, especially dogs. Even if you hate pets, don’t ever show it! Just lie to impress! What?
  • Always surprise him by buying his favorite perfume, sunglasses, watch, tie or whatever else! Pay every penny you own to satisfy him. It sure is worth it at the end.
  • If you wear  sunglasses, always pick Ray-Ban. Some guys are extremely obsessed with it and find it ultra sexy.
  • Be simple; guys adore the simple look. Opt for a simple outfit and makeup; you don’t want to risk having a style he doesn’t “approve” of.
  • Be dalou3a; guys love the feminine side of girls, whether in the way she talks or walks. Well, this is just sickening but what can we say? Lose your dignity if you want to please your man!
  • Be flexible and learn to compromise; men hate the stubborn women. They think that being stubborn isn’t feminine, but guess what? Who cares? We’re stubborn anyway!
  • Be strong and opinionated behind his back but a fragile helpless woman in his royal presence. This also applies when dealing with other guys; don’t ever attempt to impress other guys. But, certainly have guy friends!
  • Learn to share his interests; watch a football game together or discuss politics and other things he’s interested in to pretend you care! Oh, God!
  • Always praise him; he’s the one you picked after all. It’s high time to appreciate his existence and compliment him with sweet words. Even if you dislike some traits, learn to be hypocritical!
  • Be up to date with the latest events and news happening in your country, and be smart always. Men hate dull women. But again be yourself; don’t ever change to please another person.
  • Sweet morning and evening texts work best in relationships; this reminds him that you think about him all the time. Please don’t overdo this; it might actually backfire!
  • Set him on the top of your priorities list, even if it’s not really possible. You still have lots of things on your list; never make him feel that he isn’t important. Just lie!
  • If he asks you ‘malek‘, what’s wrong with you? Always unveil the truth and share all your problems. Or you can keep them for yourself and let him find out he’s the reason on his own. That’s what we always do, okay?!
  • Don’t talk about your exes, the guys who had a crush on you or vice versa; this will certainly annoy him. But if you want to be honest which is what we recommend, feel free to occasionally bring them up.
  • Don’t cut your hair; most guys prefer women with long hair but we don’t want to generalize. What?! Of course, do what suits you best! Don’t listen if he asks you this; it’s your own hair for Pete’s sake!!
  • Never criticize his clothes or the way he looks; you picked him and you love him. Criticizing his style will create many unnecessary problems. Let me think…Do this now; if you don’t like his style, face him directly!
  • Always be kind and never nervous,;don’t shout at your partner for any reason. This is a bit hilarious! Always clarify your point of view in a decent way if he’s not listening.
  • Give him some privacy; don’t interrogate him frequently: “Where are you going? Or “Who’s going with you to whatever place?” Don’t be nagging; let him enjoy some quality time with the lads. This one is a given; men prefer to have some time on their own.
  • Don’t be madlou2a, don’t call or text him every minute. Learn to exercise self-control when you miss him. This one is a fact too; guys love to miss their girls.