Reads, has the ability to talk big in front of people, is sophisticated, and open-minded – these are the qualities that lots of girls now aspire to find in their future man. He is a catch! She is so happy and over the moon. Now she has the chance to express herself, dress the way she likes, go out whenever she likes, and befriend lots of people…etc. After a while…SURPRISE! It’s not like that at all!
Slowly but surely, the man of her dreams turns into the typical patriarchal type.
Scene 1: Exterior; He is on the phone, you’re out
Him: Where are you baby?
Her: Out honey, hanging out with some friends.
Him: How could you not tell me?
Her: I never ask you when you’re going out!
Him: Well, men are something and women are something else!!
Her: Excuse me?!!
Him: When are you planning to come back? It’s already 9 pm!!
Please, don’t get surprised. It’s a true-to-life situation. Need some more??
Scene 2: Exterior; In a café
Him: You’ve become so demanding and depressing!
Her: Why can’t you understand? I’m tired; I need you to listen and sympathise!!
Him: How do you expect me to sympathise when you’re always depressed and nagging!!
Her: That is so mean!! I never tell you that; I always stand beside you whenever you’re sad and whining!!!
Him: That’s what you’re supposed to do in the first place!
Scene 3: Exterior, interior…WHEREVER:
Him: Now, there is something wrong about your clothes, the way you talk to people, the way you laugh, your friends….etc. You have to change. Why? Because now you’re in a relationship; engaged; or married to a man! You don’t have the right to have male friends, you may also need to change your phone number, and people need to know that you’re in a committed relationship now; it’s safer for you, and nobody knows how people think! Oh, what about my female friends? I told you before, men are something and women are something else!!
Generally speaking, men will always be men. They’ll always feel that they have the right to control you. That you are affecting their image one way or another, simply because they think they have honour, and you don’t! Your status is always linked to theirs. He’ll let you enjoy being free for a while, but once that freedom interferes with what he really thinks deep inside, you’ll be rebuked and put in place! And you know what, he’ll always know how to make you feel guilty and do what he wants, either the easy way or the hard way. He’ll make you question what you do to be able to get you exactly where he wants you to be.
To cut a long story short, that image of having experienced life, being well read and well spoken is not actually that hard to fake or assimilate. Talking is easy, but acting is different and difficult. Never make compromises unless he does the same – either the easy way, or the hard way. You are a human being. You have needs. You need someone who is willing to give as much as you do, who is convinced that you are both equal in every aspect, who is there to help you and listen to you, and who’d never hurt you even if he disagrees with what you’re doing. Don’t allow him to make you feel like you’re under probation. You need to have some space. Also, stop turning a blind eye to what bothers you and accumulating negative feelings inside! I’m not saying be confrontational and argue all the time, but you have the right to tell him how you feel, too. To sum it up, don’t expect too much. Men don’t keep that larger than life image for long. Get the best you can out of it.