Obviously every relationship has its ups and downs. However, and this is coming from first hand experience, the downs that you face in long distance relationships are probably a bit more harsh than in relationships where you can easily see each other everyday and instantly fix things.
Now, I donāt want you to think that Iām a bitter single lady with 50 cats whoās too pessimistic to think that long distance relationships are doable or anything like that. They definitely are, but they do require a lot more effort, dedication and maturity from both parties.
Also, itās only fair to discuss the half empty glass and look at the disadvantages of being in a LDR and provide some advice on how to overcome them. Most articles that tackle the topic of long distance relationships, only talk about the bright side ā its advantages, its benefits, etc. So this time around, we would like to take a more realistic approach to the topic.
Distance
Obviously this might seem as a given, but no one truly realizes the value of having someone just present in your life until itās taken away. You donāt need to necessarily be talking or touching, but just having someoneās physical presence by you can make the biggest difference. This is something that texting, or talking on the phone or even skyping (even if it comes quite close) can never replace.
Fix: Unfortunately, the only solution to this is to actually meet up. So make sure you both have a date (even if itās a long time away) when you can finally reunite. Itāll give you both something to look forward to and add some excitement to your relationship.
Timing and Scheduling
You both obviously have other engagements, whether itās work or school or training and in turn there will be times where one of you will be too busy to talk or has to cancel your weekend plans. Itās even tougher if thereās a huge time difference between where you live. Donāt assume that the other person is ignoring you or is losing interest because they are not making time for you.
Fix:Ā You need to keep an open mind and do some planning and rescheduling. See what works best for the both of you, whether itās setting a time in the weekend where you can Skype for a couple of hours or even the smallest things like texting before you go to bed about what you both did throughout your day. If you are generally more busy than your partner, try to be a bit more understanding and put in some extra effort to communicate with them even if you just send them a simple good morning/goodnight text checking in on them. The smallest gesture can sometimes make the biggest difference. On the other hand, if you have a less busy schedule than your partner, donāt make your whole life revolve aroundĀ your relationship! Itās not healthy and itāll drive you insane. You both need your separate lives outside of your relationship. Keep yourself busy ā hit the gym, go out with your friends, take that yoga class youāve been dying to try out. You both need to find a balance between your personal life and your relationship. And think about it that way, when you talk to each other at the end of the day or in the weekend, youāll have more to talk about!
Jealousy
Whether youāre the jealous type or not, and no matter how much you both trust each other, the jealousy demon will eventually come creeping up on either one or both of you at some point. You might see a tagged picture of him/her on Facebook with a person of the opposite sex that you donāt know (especially if that person is the slightest bit good looking) or perhaps his/her phone might die while theyāre out clubbing and they donāt text you till the next day.
Fix: Before you jump into conclusions and start building up fake scenarios in your head that theyāre cheating or something, relax! Take a chill pill and wait for them to come and explain themselves. It is most likely that the person in the picture is just a co-worker of theirs and they were too hungover the next day to find their charger. Trust me, more often that not, thereās an explanation. You just have to learn not to panic and give your partner a chance to explain himself/herself.
Costs
I know money can be a sensitive topic but just to give you a heads up ā LDRs cost a lot! And the further away you are from each other, the more it will cost. You have to take into consideration that the prices of anything ranging from airplane tickets to phone and Internet bills will go into overdraft as opposed to if you were living together.
Fix: Firstly, you have to be more understanding, especially if your significant other doesnāt earn as much as you or is going through financial issues. Itās not that they donāt want to see you or youāre not worth the money, but they also canāt starve themselves or spend their rent money. Be realistic and honest with each other and try to join forces and split the costs so that financial issues donāt get the best of you. Also, try and schedule when youāre seeing each other next early so you can book your travel tickets early and in turn get some good deals on them instead of having to splurge your whole monthās salary on last minute tickets.
No matter what obstacles you face, remember why you got into a long distance relationship and it is because you found someone special enough who is worth the distance and the wait. ThatĀ is something that is rare to find. Hold onto it. Be honest with your partner about how you feel andĀ just take it day by day because it’ll definitely be worth it in the end!