Obviously every relationship has its ups and downs. However, and this is coming from first hand experience, the downs that you face in long distance relationships are probably a bit more harsh than in relationships where you can easily see each other everyday and instantly fix things.
Now, I don’t want you to think that I’m a bitter single lady with 50 cats who’s too pessimistic to think that long distance relationships are doable or anything like that. They definitely are, but they do require a lot more effort, dedication and maturity from both parties.
Also, it’s only fair to discuss the half empty glass and look at the disadvantages of being in a LDR and provide some advice on how to overcome them. Most articles that tackle the topic of long distance relationships, only talk about the bright side – its advantages, its benefits, etc. So this time around, we would like to take a more realistic approach to the topic.
Obviously this might seem as a given, but no one truly realizes the value of having someone just present in your life until it’s taken away. You don’t need to necessarily be talking or touching, but just having someone’s physical presence by you can make the biggest difference. This is something that texting, or talking on the phone or even skyping (even if it comes quite close) can never replace.
Fix: Unfortunately, the only solution to this is to actually meet up. So make sure you both have a date (even if it’s a long time away) when you can finally reunite. It’ll give you both something to look forward to and add some excitement to your relationship.
Timing and Scheduling
You both obviously have other engagements, whether it’s work or school or training and in turn there will be times where one of you will be too busy to talk or has to cancel your weekend plans. It’s even tougher if there’s a huge time difference between where you live. Don’t assume that the other person is ignoring you or is losing interest because they are not making time for you.
Fix: You need to keep an open mind and do some planning and rescheduling. See what works best for the both of you, whether it’s setting a time in the weekend where you can Skype for a couple of hours or even the smallest things like texting before you go to bed about what you both did throughout your day. If you are generally more busy than your partner, try to be a bit more understanding and put in some extra effort to communicate with them even if you just send them a simple good morning/goodnight text checking in on them. The smallest gesture can sometimes make the biggest difference. On the other hand, if you have a less busy schedule than your partner, don’t make your whole life revolve around your relationship! It’s not healthy and it’ll drive you insane. You both need your separate lives outside of your relationship. Keep yourself busy – hit the gym, go out with your friends, take that yoga class you’ve been dying to try out. You both need to find a balance between your personal life and your relationship. And think about it that way, when you talk to each other at the end of the day or in the weekend, you’ll have more to talk about!
Whether you’re the jealous type or not, and no matter how much you both trust each other, the jealousy demon will eventually come creeping up on either one or both of you at some point. You might see a tagged picture of him/her on Facebook with a person of the opposite sex that you don’t know (especially if that person is the slightest bit good looking) or perhaps his/her phone might die while they’re out clubbing and they don’t text you till the next day.
Fix: Before you jump into conclusions and start building up fake scenarios in your head that they’re cheating or something, relax! Take a chill pill and wait for them to come and explain themselves. It is most likely that the person in the picture is just a co-worker of theirs and they were too hungover the next day to find their charger. Trust me, more often that not, there’s an explanation. You just have to learn not to panic and give your partner a chance to explain himself/herself.
I know money can be a sensitive topic but just to give you a heads up – LDRs cost a lot! And the further away you are from each other, the more it will cost. You have to take into consideration that the prices of anything ranging from airplane tickets to phone and Internet bills will go into overdraft as opposed to if you were living together.
Fix: Firstly, you have to be more understanding, especially if your significant other doesn’t earn as much as you or is going through financial issues. It’s not that they don’t want to see you or you’re not worth the money, but they also can’t starve themselves or spend their rent money. Be realistic and honest with each other and try to join forces and split the costs so that financial issues don’t get the best of you. Also, try and schedule when you’re seeing each other next early so you can book your travel tickets early and in turn get some good deals on them instead of having to splurge your whole month’s salary on last minute tickets.
No matter what obstacles you face, remember why you got into a long distance relationship and it is because you found someone special enough who is worth the distance and the wait. That is something that is rare to find. Hold onto it. Be honest with your partner about how you feel and just take it day by day because it’ll definitely be worth it in the end!