By Sama El Feky
Dating has always been a culturally sensitive issue here in Egypt. You cannot just decide to get all glamorous and head to a bar to find real love or pick up a one-night stand. The guy will immediately think you’re either a whore or…a whore. The Tinder app, as ambiguous as it is, makes it possible for many Egyptians to at least venture into the dating world. Although you finally have the option to date without embarrassment or inhibitions, the app’s users will actually make you want to quit dating as soon as you start.
Why you ask? Well…. here’s a list of creeps you might run into on Tinder!
1. The person with no profile picture
Tinder is all about showing off your looks; people judge you on your physical appearance more than anything else. The world is shallow…what a shock! If you do not have a profile picture, something must be wrong. You ugly?
2. The person with the group picture
Some people think they are so sneaky that they can fool anyone. Well, you’re not! Posting a group picture is an old trick that everyone knows inside out. You’re probably thinking you are the DUFF (designated ugly fat friend) that no one wants. Have more confidence and upload a solo picture. You might actually find someone nice!
3. Your friend
Finding your friend on Tinder is probably one of the funniest situations ever. Once you get over the shock of knowing your friend is just as romantically desperate as you are, you can just start a sarcastic conversation asking if they would like to go on a date or even better….get married!
4. The mutual friend
There is absolutely nothing more awkward than getting caught by a mutual friend on Tinder, especially when you’re trying to keep it a secret. Using Tinder in Egypt is basically a social “fedee7a”. It will so make you blush like a tamatem if someone blows your secret. If you get caught by a friend, you can at least explain yourself. You can never trust a stranger not to broadcast to the world you are on Tinder!
5. The fake hottie
Come on! If someone is that hot…Why the hell are they using Tinder? No offense to the ones who are. The ugly truth is only lonely desperate people use the app. Here’s how that scenario usually goes: you find someone drool worthy, you finally swipe right, you chat, you discover that person has no game, you realize the person is a dummy hoax. The end.
6. The guy with his significant other in the picture
Cheating much? He has already revealed enough with just his picture. What a shitty creep! Or maybe…he’s looking for a threesome? Yuck!
7. The guy with the cheesy lines
“Eh ya 3asal? Eh ya sokar? Moken net3arf wenty warda zy el fol kda? 3shan nel3b m3 b3d” vomit. It’s like he’s asking to get humiliated. Only a guy who is in la la land would actually think thaaat would get him some ladies.
8. The person who is still in the closet
You click with a guy on Tinder, you get exclusive for a gazillion months and then BAM the bastard confesses he is actually gay. No one should ever go through this. Why couldn’t he just admit his sexuality from the beginning or even better search for guys on Tinder instead of girls? Because he is selfish, that’s why. He put himself before you. What if he was bisexual though? Well, that one is on you. Now you have to worry about both teams.
9. The guy with weird sexual fetishism
From foot fetish to piercing fetish to bondage fetish to many other fetishes, there are some interesting people on Tinder that would creep the living daylights out of you. Whether they’re just fooling you or not….better stay away from that if you are not so open-minded.
10. The person who proposes
This is no joke people! This actually happens because some weirdos out there are that desperate. Marriage is a huge deal in Egypt and so Egyptians try whatever they can to get hitched. What is an easier way to do so than Tinder?!
Because very few females use Tinder in Egypt as the app instantly stains you as “shemal”, the desperate males are always like hawks looking for any pretty and legit fresh meat to swipe right for.
Lord, this application should be banned from this country, from the world; it will scar you for life!
